The Marauder's Mischief Memory Maker
by RavenclaWriteRules
Summary: We're four hopelessly cracked, insane friends. We're American females. Our assignment is to make the Harry Potter universe (Marauders through Third Generation) less depressing. How often does Snape or Harry wash his hair? Is it true that combining both James and Sirius' names for a child can result in a major prankster who destroys all he touches? Let's travel in time-in canon!
1. In Search Of An Idea-and our sanity

_Messrs.__ Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs,_

_ Miss. Peacock Albino, Ivy, Lotus and Raven_

_ Purveyors to Michief-Makers_

_ Are Proud to Present_

** The Marauder's Mischief Memory Maker**

_ What do you see when you look in the mirror? A half-crazy person or a half-sane person?_

In all other stories the Marauderette is either nothing more than a flirt, is always beautiful, and falls in love with Sirius. Well big news ladies and gentleman, but this is NOT romance. I'm not going to be a beauty queen or Siruis' Fake Girlfriend For Two Seconds. Oh, and my name is Kajay Kyee. My nickname, which you will hear repeatedly, as it is unfortunately fated to you unlucky browsers, is Raven. Raven, derived from Ravenclaw.

Twas' But 24 Days Before Christmas, When the Birthday of Raven Came. Eleven Years' Experience Obtain She Must, But Still Insane and Stupid Remain. Received She But A Letter-From the Hogwarts School of which Fame Speaks So Strong. Cried She Her Life was Better, Oh How Woefully was She Wrong. The Headmistress McGonagall Met Her, Told Her to Bring Her Underage Friends Along, Puzzled was She But Did Comply and Agree, Why Am I Singing You A Song?

Those Who Have No Appreciation for Poetry, Curse I Shall Say, Because Even Though Yes The Lines Easily Come to Me, It's Hard to Write this Way. Moving On, She Told Us She Had Been Undercover, As A Muggle Observing Often Our Front Lawn, She Clarified She Was Not A Stalker Since She Did Only for A Few Minutes Hover, Then Move On. She Sighed Telling Us As We Knew Hogwarts Faced Death and Woe, So It Was Up To Us To Bring Back Laughter To All Three Generations-And the Use of Curfew. Though the Last Request We Could Not Promise We Shook Hands Again to Agree, Now I Shall Stop Because this Way of Writing Is Starting to Annoy Me.

How did we do that when we were in 2012? How might we have transported to around 1952? We didn't use Time-Turners. Those little breaknecks were smashed in the Department of Mysteries, plus they only go back by hours. You calculated how many hours in a year? Congratulations. Even the Ministry isn't daft enough to create Year-Transporting Time-Turners. They'd be all worried about security and that jazz and what could happen. Don't blame them.

So, we had to do the hard job. We had to figure out on our own how to do things. The first thing we did is introductions to each other...because some of us hadn't ever met. Emily Tall was Lotus, or Silvery, a mix of Slytherin and Silvanie. She is Peter-she doesnt betray us, she is under our wing and a faithful follower to whoever befriends them. Bella is Peacock Albino, or Blanchette, the smartest girl I knew, and thus Remus. Emily Small is going to be Ivy, or Es. She represents Sirius. You'll see. I'm Raven, short for Ravenna, a combo of Raven and Rowena. I, am theleader, and thus am James.

We went to the library to research going back in time to fix stuff and make sure less people died. Blanchette, (Nickname Peacock Albino), was best at this.

Raven: Hey, Blanchette, a hand here?

Peacock Albino: Ah, yes. Blanchette to the rescue AGAIN, lovely. Oh, just wonderful.

Lotus: Can I help?

Raven: Ok! You can look up...um...

Ivy: Can I do something, too? I am bored.

Raven: Sure! *sarcastically* Get us drinks.

Ivy: But-

Raven: I don't even know what to-

Peacock Albino: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING UP?

Raven: Of course I do! An interesting subject called...um..."Panskavedekatriaphobia."

Ivy: It's upside down!

Raven: On the other way... "The Marauder's Magical Memory-Maker".

Ivy: WHAT? REPEAT!

Raven: Marauder Magical Memory Maker!

Ivy: What is THAT?

Raven: What part of "Marauder" and "Magical" and "Mischief" do you not comprehend?

Ivy: What's in it?

Raven: _Sandshifter Stolen Ideas from Nicholas Flamel!_ I just invented it!

Ivy: Wait...you mean we have-

Raven: Control over the whole thing? This book is apparently operated by the Marauders-and, on acompletely unrelated and no logical explanation, us! All you need is your thoughts, or your pen! I do hope this thing isn't bla-

Lotus: Blank? It is, by the way.

Raven: AAAARGH. That means we need to set up some Marauder theories. This is certainly going to take a long time. Longer than I expected.

Ivy: How long?

Raven: Two decades.

Ivy: (falls out of chair with rather loud THUMP)

Raven: Is she alive? (Kicks her)

Ivy: OW!

Raven: Nope. Let's continue experimenting.

Ivy: OUCH! MMMPH! Curse you.

Raven: Now make some theories, please, to fill this book.

Ivy: Look at all the pretty stars...What? Theories?

Raven: I JUST EXPLAINED THEM! THEORIES ABOUT CHANGING TIME AND SUBSTANCES WE'D NEED!

Ivy: Ohhhhh...like, um, Sorcerer's Stone?

Raven: (facepalms)

Ivy: WHAT?

Lotus: How about we calm down?

Ivy: I am calm!

Raven: Blanchette, if you're my friend-

Peacock Albino: My friendship has limits.

Raven: GRRRRR ok, delete that dumb-What is the sand in the Time-Turners?

Ivy: Could be nonexistent for all I care.

Raven: ...What do we call the brains in Ivy's noggin?

After a couple hours we changed plans and deleted the stupid useless book. Who cares about what Nicholas Flamel knew about a Sandshifter anyways? Oh, wait...you're like, what, Sandshifter? Well, here's the deal. When we invented Sandshifter Stolen Ideas From Nicholas Flamel, it was filled with a Grimm Brother tale. You know, the guys who wrote The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Hansel and Gretel, and all that fairy tale stuff that ruined my childhood? (Since I'm eleven I'm technically still a kid though) They were wizards. No wonder they had no idea their stories were too gruesome for young children.

The tale happened to be in French. _L'eau the Jouvence_. Literally means "Water of Youth". So, here we are. Remember the Department of Mysteries and that freaky jar of water with the bird that kept changing from egg to fully grown? And a Death Eater stuck his head in there and kept morphing from this baby to a man? Well, yeah. That was this Water of Youth. They apparently coat the Time-Turner Sand with it. That's the Department of Mysteries biz as well...besides encasing prophecies in glass balls. The people who handle this dangerous sand and water stuff are brilliant alchemists, who are called Sand-Shifters. Their job is to limit the Born-To-Current-Age effects and change it to hours. Then they pour it into an hourglass, because of its easiest to operate.

So, Sandshifter's Stolen Ideas From Nicholas Flamel are basically about this mad alchemist. He knew Archimedes, the man. No wonder he's so old. He's several times older than his (supposed) five hundred whatever years, probably cut them in half a couple times to seem younger. Ask Dumbeldore's portrait. In the process of finding out of the king's crown was pure gold and finding ways to change lead into gold, he discovered the Sorcerer's Stone-fits well, since it turns anything into gold, and that's what alchemists did. And apparently the Ministry asked him to help them with Youth Water because of his knowledge of strange substances.

Anyways, back to the Sandshifters. We realized the heck with the water, because we didn't have anything to change it from Rejeuvenation Strange Stupid Substance to Time Travelling Strange Stupid Useless Substance. Yes, yes I know. Ditching already. We're a fine example of sophisticated social workers.

Now that normality (or something similar) is restored to the Marionettes, here we are sitting around in Peacock Albino's thinking how are we going to get into the past. Then it comes to me we are absolutely hopeless. If we want to go into the past, Einstein would've figured how people could do that, him and his humongous brain, years ago. Was he a wizard? He could've been. He couldn't remember the tiniest detail but could recall hard mathematical equations. Some wizards go dotty if they stay too long around Muggles, Headmistress McGonagall said. A couple examples would be Ron Weasley, Cornelius Fudge (He visited the Muggle Prime Minister, don't forget) and Professor Umbridge. If Muggles didn't drive her bonkers, then I hope centaurs did. So now we are scratching our heads when I get this brilliant idea. Thank Albert Einstein for it.

"Hey Blanchette, you're really good at math. Right?" I mean, I caught up to her level but that doesn't mean she's less of a genius. That kid probably is performing mental calculus for all we know!

"Um, sure, why?"

"Cause I feel like you can Einstein us into the past." WHOOO-O-AAAA. Everyone stares at me if I've gone insane. That's a possibility...

"What did you say?" Lotus and Ivy ask at the same time.

"Einstein us. Essentially, my basal hypothesis is that theoretically Einstein the prodigious math-man was a wizard!" Awkward silence...

"I'm sure you come from the Japanese race! PAY UP! ADMIT IT! YOU SPOKE JAPANESE TO US! YOU KIDNAPPED OUR LOYAL SLIGHTLY ANNOYING FRIEND! GET OUT! TELL US WHERE YOU'RE HIDING HER! DEAL OUT YOUR RANSOM!"

...as they say in Japan, "Hare Hare.". Good grief!

So I explained I wanted Peacock Albino to calculate some formula to take us into the future. I randomly decided to delete Samdshifter's Stolen Ideas from Nicholas Flamel. Then in its place appeared a book with a blank cover.

Ivy: That was stupid! Why'd you get rid of Sandshifter? I liked that book! I wanna read it!

Raven: What am I to name this book? Something random... Um... Trigonometry and Transportation.

Ivy: Sounds boring.

Peacock Albino: What is it?

Lotus: Math and Marionettes don't mix.

Raven: The only time "Marionettes" and "Math" are in one sentence is when you say "Oh, how Marionettes want to murder Math!" This book is all up to Lotus and Peacock Albino's brilliance in math.

Peacock Albino and Ivy: WHAAAAAAAAT?

Raven: We need a formula, and some physics...um, velocity, work, and calculations of our density to travel through time's void...(mutters scientific nonsense you don't want to hear about).

Peacock Albino: What?

Raven: To travel through the time void, we need a formula. Like density equals mass divided by volume, right?

Peacock Albino: OHHHH!

Raven: So here we are in year 2012. We want to travel back to-(mutters classified date. Do not try this at home, nor with your brilliant algebrainiac.)

Peacock Albino: At the speed of light, which is...

Lotus: Makes sense!

Ivy: WHAAAA does not! Why do you get to do the smart stuff? Who are you leaving out?

Raven: And our velocity is distance per time... Ahhhhh I get it! Just like tessering in A Wrinkle In Time! Now, we want to go by the speed and distance of light. Write that in our formula.

Lotus: Ok! But I haven't written it yet!

Raven: So we have our mathematical formula-but how about travelling and using it?

Lotus: Maybe we need something-

Ivy: Brains? Raven's Replacement? A rocket ship?

Raven: What if we pronounce the formula using our wands! Just to be sure we should use some lucky golden coin powder.

Peacock Albino: What's that?

Raven: It's an invented ingredient in one of my stories I write for Lotus-it's called _Lotus_. (Story titles and chapters appear in blank book.)

Ivy: Big surprise there, Captain Duh.

Raven: WHATEVER. Its Obvious, get it right. The ingredient is used in potions...

Ivy: No, really? I expected people use it as Snape Shampoo!

Raven: (*looking harrassed*) Used to bring good luck, or to repair any mistakes or flaws or side effects in the potion. Works on about anything. I fixed up my broken iPodNano screen in two seconds.

Ivy: You have an iPod NANO? In THIS decade?

Raven: Never mind, let's just look up into _Lotus_, attempt the formula, and grab some from there.

Lotus: Wouldn't that be stealing?

Raven: Not since YOU are actually Lotus.

Peacock Albino: But we can't transport THERE! It's wrong time, wrong place-

Raven: PLACE! Wherever you are, that's where you'll be in the past! Only change the formula conversion of 2012 to nineteen-hundred-something which is in Harry's fourth year.

Lotus: One minute...I'm so glad you had this idea.

Ivy: Don't give her any more.

Peacock Albino: Just calculated it...ok!

Raven: AAAH! HERE WE GOOOO!

Ivy: I think I'm going to deliver the paper...

Everyone: FACE THE OTHER WAY!


	2. All hail the Queer!

_Here we are, sitting in the Great Hall again._

"Did we even go anywhere?" Lotus' voice behind me asks.

Raven: **IVY! WHERE THE BLAZES ARE YOU?**

Ivy: OUCH! MY _EARS! _(She actually has ears? Big surprise to me)

Peacock Abino: I guess we could use some golden lucky coin powder. We lost our visibility! It's dimmed to near invisibility!

Raven: Now you see why we're here?

Ivy: Not if we-

Lotus: Let's hurry up and get to that powder now. Where might it be?

Raven: It's hidden in a secret cupboard in the dungeons.

We walked towards the dungeons. And I mean through the looong everlasting corridor, past the creepy gargogles and portrait, trying to hide from Peeves beirepairman des by the Bloody Baron, down the stairs and underneath a leaky ceiling. I scrambled to the back of the room and grabbed a book out of the cupboard which had the Half-Blood Prince's signature on it. As Snape's daughter (According to the story I wrote) Lotus should know its location. I look at the cover and whisper "Revelio" inside of its pages. Pieces of paper fell out of the cover, and slid onto the floor.

Peacock Albino: Excellent...you destroyed the book.

Raven: No, not quite. The parchment looks newer. And it has Lotus' neat, Mary-Sue-ish handwriting on it.

The handwriting declared several magic formulas that were to be pronounced which would reveal various hidey-holes inside of the castle. I searched for golden lucky coin powder by whispering "_redwop noic ykcul nedlog_" which was powder's full name reversed. The words "replenishment ingredient" appeared.

Once pronounced, the book opened and had changed into a box. Inside were several small caches of powder. I knew in the story, Lotus was a Mary Sue had probably cast an invented Never-Ending Charm, creating an endless supply of golden lucky coin powder and who knows what else.

Ivy: (Or rather her voice) WOW. I take off my hat to you!

Raven: Thanks! I take off MY hat to Blanchette and Silvery for excellent mathematics! Now take this pouch and pour a pinch onto yourself!

Ivy: Ok! WHOOO! It's nice to be visible again.

Peacock Albino: Are you forgetting someone?

Raven: This sack is never-ending! Awesome, huh?

Peacock Albino: But-

So we ventured out, I tucked the useful sheets back into the seemingly perfectly sealed cover, and Lotus spent some time converting the formula, while Ivy complained some more about what had happened and how she never wanted to lose visibility again. Then we all held onto Lotus as she did our dirty work and transported us into the past, even further away from 2012.  
Raven: I feel funny-like dizzy.

Peacock Albino: I'm turning green...

Raven: I don't think-

Peacock Albino: BECAUSE YOU NEVER TURNED ME BACK!

There was a flash of light and all of a sudden she was everywhere, pointing jinxes at me and firing so hard I felt like retching. Ivy didn't look too handsome either, probably because Peacock Albino was yelling at her for ignoring her and not sharing the Golden Lucky Coin Powder.

Raven: Someone lend me the sick bag.

Ivy: No way I'm using it.

Then Peacock Albino swooped on us again, and again, until we finally restored her visibilty. A random student conveniently walked bywhite a "What the-" look on his face.

Lotus: STOP!

Ivy: I HAVE TO KICK HER BEHIND FOR DOING THIS TO ME!

Peacock Albino: Bye!

I am luckily saved by a tiny boy with watery blue eyes and blond hair in a Roundhead cut running and knocking over Lotus, Ivy and Peacock Albino and running around me...I know what you're thinking. _Peter Pettigrew!_ Or, as Lotus and Ivy might say **DIE TRAITOR! YOU'RE A ROTTEN PERSON! GO WAY! GET! GET!** Yes, Peter Pettigrew is most known for betraying the Marauders. But Im pretty sure there's more to him. He was sort of-you know, easily influenced and taken in, the kind of person you want to take under your wing to keep them from the bad guys. Like Slytherin: these people aren't necessary evil from the start, nor are they all evil. Some went evil, and still do. That's all.

Then I see two tall Slytherins coming up at me. OHHHH noooooooo...

Slytherin Guy 1: Get out of the way, Mudblood.

Raven: Yeah, Proudblood. Get out of the way.

Slytherin Guy 2: He said, GO AWAY you annoying firstie! Or I'm writing to mummy!

Raven: What? You telling your mummy that a firstie asked you something?

Slytherin Guy 3: Probably one of the stupid ones.

Slytherin Guy 1: You're right. Now, get out of the way before I call the werewolf.

Raven: Werewolf? Why do you need a werewolf when you have them? (Pointing at his companions)

Slytherin Guy 1: (Groans in frustration) JUST CLEAR AWAY ALREADY!

Raven: I'll "clear away", alright, make some space for those poor people behind you! Locomotor Mortis! Mobilicorpus!

Yes...that was the epic day a firstie totally SCHOOLED those Slytherins. Personally I'm sad we missed the train on the first year but at least we met Peter...and if we met him, we met the Marauders. Shortly after, Ivy regained her wits and Lotus got woken up by a forceful Enervate, and Peacock Albino had just been sitting there looking dazed, so Lotus carried her while she stared bug-eyed at people. Ivy was all wet for some reason (probably the Slytherins cast Aguamenti to clear her out of the way) so she was all angry and yelling at everyone in a complex language called Ivy-ish or also known as a Marionette term "Wet and Angry Syndrome".

I'm **pretty** sure we could've made a better entrance.

When we walked towards the Sorting Hat there was a murmur of voices. Being gifted with confident, imperative personality I nudged Ivy and whispered "We should locate the Marauders!"

So we bravely set forth towards our doom and I whisper to Ivy to go ahead to Gryffindor. Lotus is fifteen and older than us, so we urge her to sit at the Slytherin Table. Anyways, we are sitting around and I tell Peacock Albino to be in Ravenclaw.

Peacock Albino: Well, the thing is, I want to be with Ivy.

Raven: Yeah, in the house of virtually polite yet mouthy and stubborn noble gits. (_It's true, though, Gryffindors out there. Can you classify Ron Weasley or Cormac McLaggen as "chivalrous" or "brave and bold"?_)

Peacock Albino: That's not true! Well...

Raven: Oh what the heck. The Sorting Splat will probably put me there too because of my..._lovely personality_.

Peacock Albino: So lovely indeed that my voice is so not sarcastic.

Raven: Well, I guess Gryffindor is alright, though I'm not a fan of proving the stereotype "Gryffindors are good guys, and Slytherins are automatically all evil!" what do they think, that Lotus is gonna stab us in the back or something?

Peacock Albino: I'm not answering that question...

Depressing, isn't it? Way to start a great year, Sorto. So I went through all the names searching for McLaggens and Changs and all familiar names. I think Hailey Llewellyn is Hannah Abbott's mother. When I wrote fanfiction I always had extremely similar names, like "Jordan Finch-Fletchley" or "Marvin Bulstrode" and the like. And the Quidditch team was not an exception. It was funny to hear my names recited, like "Chang, Chen" and "Goyle, Garre". Yes, Goyle's dad is Gargoyle. It's a wonder why J. k Rowling didn't call Goyle that, since he is "Greg Goyle". On with that. So when I finally came up to the hat as Mikyra Scarlett Eye, the first things I heard were "Is she descended from Bathilda Bagshot?"

Of course. You can literally see resemblance in my face. The snowy white hair, the snake in my neck, and the batty look. Yeah. It's my trademark, duuhhhh.

When I put on the Sorting Hat, I get lots of thoughts. I keep on reflecting on these really private embarrassing memories and certain thoughts that make me sound stupid. In the end after negotiating and a speech about promoting House unity (it was the speech itself, mind you, but the idea of persuading and correctly performing it convinced the hat) I ended up in Ravenclaw.

Ivy got sorted into Gryffindor and Peacock Albino decided on Ravenclaw, after all. So we sit at our tables eating and signing to eat other using a hand sign language that me and Peacock Abino invented once to communicate in class. Didn't work, because people notice if you're fooling round and gesturing. Apparently so did Professor Flitwick, because he was facepalming a bunch while sitting at the table, next to Snape and McGonagall who both looked constipated from the stress of not taking away points until the next day. Sprout was laughing her head off more than usual and Dumbledore, giving us a speech, was twinkly himself. He reminds me so much of Gandalf from Lord of the Rings. Maybe J. K. read Tolkien. I wasn't really interested in what he was saying because I was reading Ivy's mind. You want to know her personal thoughts?

**Ivy: JUST DIE ALREADY! FOOD!**

Well, that was entertaining. I was sort of thinking the same thing more or less but I was busy reading Fabian and Gideon Prewitt (the Fred and George of the Marauder Decade! Whoooo!) and their minds were pretty much the same as Ivy. I give you two Galleons on a bet that those three are desiring to become friends. Two Galleons cause I'm cheap and I'm pretty sure I'll lose the bet, among other things. Do I lose them or does Peacock Albino steal them? Nah, my shiny rhinestone pen just coincidentally disappeared while Peacock Albino was in the same room.

Finally Dumbledore gives us fuel and I have to say Ivy eats like Sirius. Yes, I was still stalking the Marauders. I wanted to make sure I knew everything about them (there was no need since I had pretty much written about them already) and so, yeah. Ivy was also staring at them because she probably had wanted to meet them in real life for a long time, ever since we formed the Marionettes. So then I decided to do something very random. I Summoned Lotus' golden lucky coin powder and Geminied it three times, giving the packets to the rest of the Marionettes and Banishing it back (DEPULSO! MOVE! ACCURSED POUCH! STOP HITTING ME IN THE EYE! DEPULSO! GAAAAH ARRGH! GO!).

They sent a prefect, Rupert or Rowley Davies, I couldn't tell because he was stuttering the whole time. I don't think that's Ravenclaw-ish, but he was staring a lot at Pamela "Mrs. Clearwater" Rodgen. If you ask me, I think Pamela ends up as Percy's precious Penny's mother, and that Romeo names his son "Rodger" after Rodgen, Pamela's last name. I could see Xeno Lovegood walking around warning us to look carefully using a parchment and a quill for Sheet Hoodwings in our beds, gobbling our pillowcases and feigning quick mildew. Then he started chewing on a pillowcase. I think that it was an excuse for us not thinking he was eating the pillowcases for life endurance and serenity of spirit.

Remind me never to go to tea with the guy.

Anyways, moving over Xenophilius' midnight snacks, we armed ourselves with quills, parchment, and starting performing Xeno Blocking Charms I invented on the spot with advice of Peacock Albino's part (_"Please! Linoleum Expulso?" "Xenophilium, not limousine!"_). Then I realized that the boys and girls did not sleep in the same dormitories, thankfully, or I would have to avert my eyes often.

Mr. Rolypoly was asking Pamela Rodgen out with his eyes (by bugging them out and gaping at her and walking up really close that she was creeped out) and I felt sorry for the guy, so I said hi to him and thanks for leading us up. He gave me a you're-ruining-the-moment death glare during which Pammy escaped-and thanked me later. So now we were ready for tomorrow, and we were in separate dormitories...lovely! I don't think the pillowcase thing was a prank, I mean James Potter hasn't heard of Polyjuice Potion yet, has he?

Oh, man.

Please don't say that he's already smuggled himself to spy on the Ravenclaws and the queer set of girls calling themselves Marionettes that seem so similar to them. If he does, I'll just have to do him in.

If McGonagall doesn't beat me to it.


	3. The Hogwarts Games

**Wake up! Smell the butterbeer! Sunshiiiine!**

This is a favorite of mine to get my friends up. Or in this case, just Blanchette. Just sing some cheesy, dorky tune and she'll groan and eventually stand up and attempt to strangle me with her pillow.

Strangle Me With Her Pillow. Heheh. Sounds like some rock band? Actually, some sort of parody of a romance song Justin Bieber would've written. What would the original title be? Wrangle that Cow? Reminds me of Shakespeare's _Taming of the Shrew_. But that's much different, I believe. So today I was just about to hum my cheesy dorky Lalalala, and I just decided to hum "Row, row, row your boat..."

Just when suddenly a great flash of light and BOOM! Two teenagers were sitting on the floor, while the girl teenager was humming "Gently down the-what the heck?"

Raven: WHAT THE HECK?

Peacock Albino: (moaning) Please stop practicing Transfiguration, Ravenna...

Globe: Where are we?

Raven: You mean you're Fanfiction Authors? HOW DID YOU GET HERE? Were you Summoned by McGonagall, or are you just plain Muggles? By the way, you look like you've been through something.

Archer and Globe: (Look down at tatty jeans and yellow-stained ripped shirts that read ROMANCE-FREE ZONE) What is wrong with our appearance?

Raven: NAME YOURSELVES!

Globe: Um...Archer and Globe?

Raven: (Gasps like a fangirl) OH MY THIS IS SO AWESOME!

Yes, and this is how Archer and Globe were transported to Hogwarts. Turned out Globe and I were humming the same cheesy tune while clicking on my story. The fanfiction hyperlinks to reality took her for me, and thus...she was transported with Archer over. Why they took him I guess it was because the system took him for Ivy or someone.

So we went to breakfast, and Ivy was grumpy because we were late and we had to eat the chewy hammy bacon. I hate hammy bacon, it makes me glare at whoever caused me eating it. I didn't have a direct blamee, so I just glared randomly at whoever sat across from me who was eating crispy bacon.

McGonagall: Today we will be learning how to Transfigure inanimate objects into animate objects. Wh would like to demon-ah, Miss Kyee?

Raven: (earning death glares from Lily Evans) Animatus Conjurus! (Quill does a little jig and hops from desk down Archer's shirt)

Archer: AAAARRRRGH!

Raven: SORRY! (It was purely accidental, because I was giving it life and not manipulating it, but Archer has feared me ever since) THIS COLD WATER WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEM!

I should've done Inanimatus Conjurus, but I forgot everything. James and Sirius were laughing their heads off and Remus was trying to help, while Peter was noting down how to do the trick (Sirius ordered him to) and Archer was still shrieking "MY BACK! MY BACK!"

And anyways, thus was my first Transfiguration class. For finding the formula, solving the problem and drying Archer ("SECA! SECA! SECA!") Ravenclaw was awarded five points and when Professor Flitwick heard I used an advanced charm correctly it was awarded five more points. I think he was trying to forget the hand-signalling incident.

Ivy: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!

James: I wonder if I can really conjure up that buffalo?

Raven: (Calling across room) Doesn't work! We've tried!

Thus sending bug-eyes across the room. I mean, if you pronounce something incorrectly, doesn't that just make your wand explode everything in range?

Professor Flitwick: ENOUGH! TEN POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!

So the amazing Raven decided to save the day by stepping in and lifting that feather into the air, sending it flying and then I thought of doing a little Manipularo. Immediately, it tickled Globe and swept dust off Professor Flitwick's desk. My feather sort of is hard to control, because it was first time so instead of landing back on my desk it landed on unfortunate Globe's nose, making him sneeze.

Potions was no different.

Professor Slughorn: Do you know the properties of the Mandrake root, Miss "Celestina"?

Globe: Aye. It kills people.

Archer: *facepalm*

A typical day of Potions. Archer snoring, Globe drowning and insulting the stupid Mandrake root that refuses to unstick itself from her skin. Can't you feel the excitement in the atmosphere?

Madam Hooch: Just yell "UP!"

Globe: GET UP! (Gets whacked and flips over) OW!

Then we like epicly failed at doing our first loop-de-loops while we were showing off. Archer fell from, like, two feet upside-down and Globe ended up doing Starfish-With-Stick-And-Desperation. It's a very famous move practiced by Peacock Albino. I only was able to do it because _I'm_ the author and I get to be the awesome person.

Professor Sprout: Dear, you're supposed to plant the poisons, not eat them.

Raven: THEY'RE WHAT?

Professor Sprout: Other than the fact that they're Venomous Tentacula seeds, I believe they're perfectly safe. Besides the fact that when they say Venomous they mean it for a reason, not because it-

Raven: (Stops smuggling seeds into robes for experiments) !

Don't you love the first year when you're gullibly fooled into using dragon dung as fertilizer or doing all the dirty work and tending to scary plants with side effects? Those seeds were actually Magic Green Beans. (Jack and the Beanstock Legendary variety). I would include the rest of the day if it weren't so boring. I mean, Professor Kettleburn only just lost a leg. What's so animated about that?

After that we resumed activities. We played Quidditch, and Ivy tried again to catch the Snitch, almost got it! Then she renounced and declared she was off to find some Filibuster's Finest Fireworks.

"Don't you have better things to do than to explode Hogwarts, Ivy?"

"Shh!" Ivy exclaimed. "Must-find-CHOCOLATE!"

"You're beginning to sound like me," I answered.

"That's a scary thought," said Remus eating his fifth bar of Cadbury's Milk Flake. Ivy snatched some and they began fighting over it. Ah, the charm of Es...

Sirius walked by and randomly leaned in close to Remus and Ivy sang "Awkward!"

"SIRIUS!" James yelled.

"AAAH!" Sirius woke up and slapped Remus in the face, making him spit chocolate all over his uniform.

"Daydream, I hope," Peacock Albino muttered.

"It better be or I'm going to deliver the paper," I added. Gummy Bear bumped into us again conveniently.

Raven: Hi Gummy! What's up?

Gummy Bear: Well...I've decided to take a career as a ventriloquist!

Bertie: How ever could they have guessed?

Gummy Bear: Shut your yap! Or I'm not stuffing you with cotton anymore.

Bertie: I didn't say anything!

Gummy Bear: I heard you!

Somewherealong he roped us into going on an "adventure". Sounds scary. We walked throughout Hogwarts and Gummy Bear lead us to this mirror.

"Great job," I mutter.

"Hush!" Gummy Bear suddenly calls out "Alohomora!". The mirror begins to sparkle and melt, fluid and silvery. Blurry shapes melt into each other, almost a dance, and amid the shapes the words "Stella Argentea" appear. Then a face appears, the face of a young man, with a pointed chin and a malicious look.

"How can I help you?"

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," recited Gummy Bear with exaggerated pronunciation and flapping his arms around in wild circles so hard he swipes me by the nose and I cry out in pain. "Thou art the wisest, most truthful of all.".

The mirror smiled emotionlessly, almost creeping me out. The face in the mirror was sparkling and a mist seemed to swirl around it. The mirror itself emanated light. I made a mental note never to go by this corridor.

"That be true,

For many years

I have lingered here

As the days fly by

Yet barely have any company

So why should I lie to you?"

The mirror bowed its head and it's mouth was in a grim, "How can I serve you, master?" thin line. Gummy cleared his throat several times. Ivy muttered "Lunatic gummy..." and I slapped her. She cried out in pain and Gummy hushed her. Oh, so now you notice we're hurting?

"Mirror, mirror, by my side,

With your silvery light as my guide,

And the luck from your silver star,

May I enter and journey afar?"

Seriously. What's the password, poetry?

"A word thou must grant to me,

The only word I seek, and hold a solemn stance,

Hope that the right one it shall be,

For it is your only chance."

"Silver star," answered Gummy. The mirror smiled grimly and rippled. Gummy proclaimed "Kleidi Argentea!" and a silver key appeared. He twisted it and walked through the mirror. Ivy followed him, then Peacock Albino and a freaked out Lotus and me. The mirror's voice echoed out to us.

"Another way through me there is, the way must not be yours but his."

I didn't quite understand it but Gummy hushed us. Perhaps Gummy had a way of getting through the mirror? We looked around us to see a twisty, strange-architecture tunnel. It turned and went down, sometimes climbed up, sometimes we had to slide down on our behinds, sometimes we had to climb. Everything was made out of stone. We plummeted downwards, and climbed upwards then crawled in level floor until ended up in a small hole...

Logic: This is just like spelunking!

Raven: Except no stalactites.

Logic: You know, I'm thinking, judging by the directions we moved, I think the tunnel was in the shape of a G for Gryffindor.

Raven: That must mean only one thing...

Common Sense: What?

Raven: If the passages are designed after the Founders' initials, then the Chamber of Secrets slide must be S-shaped.

Common Sense: Yeah yeah, I'm not too keen on going on Hufflepuff's passage.

Logic: Or Ravenclaw's.

Raven: Actually, Ravenclaw's should be two passages, knowing how clever Rowena was. One that curves, and one that goes straight down.

Common Sense: And Helga's?

Raven: There are four corners meeting at one linear point...thus, that should be easy to tackle. Hufflepuff must have created all four passages for each Founder-perhaps leading to the heart of Hogwarts?

Common Sense: Perhaps there is a passage in each common room!

Gummy Bear: Dear, would you like some essence of codfish mixed with borscht? That was a cure-self-talking method my dear old mama used. Ah-I still visit old mama every Sunday. She gives me the leftovers from her celery-Brussel sprout-broccoli cupcakes. I do love me mother.

He felt the stone and held up something. The key immediately gave off rays of silvery light, and Gummy inserted it into a small crack between stones, smiling and singing off-key "Old Billy boy, don't you come by the door? Oh, Billy boy, guess who's birthday it is today? Yes, why don't you stay there you old billy goat while I'll grab the butcher and a rope and we'll be having some meat at last..."

"Uhm-" Ivy asked.

"Yes?"

"Where did you get that-wonderful song?"

"I had a friend named Aberforth, had a stupid goat who snapped at me and I hated, but whenever his dear old sister-er, Annie, I think-came up the goat would be all sweet as a bluebell smell! He also had a goody-goody brother named-er what was he-Albert? Advent? Abner? Abram? Dumb stuck-up snob spent all day worrying about medals and proclaiming of his intelligence to his friend, er, Grinchibald? Anyways, the goat hated me so-I just love to see Aberforth getting rid of him. Poor Aberforth-goat nearly got rid of his tux at a fine stinking time with his friends at Godric's Hollow."

Logic: Grinchibald? Some combination of Grindelwald and Archibald, I suppose.

Common Sense: Judging correctly, Aberforth was obviously Aberforth Dumbledore, sister Ariana, brother Albus, had a stupid goat named Billy.

Gummy made us a thumbs-up hand signal. The stones suddenly made a creaking sound as the key twisted in the right crack. They came apart and we stepped out of a tall mirror in a large abandoned room. I looked around and saw-

It was the Mirror of Erised. Erised is Desire spelled backwards. I didn't want to look inside because I would feel homesick. I might see my parents, waiting for my mission to be finished, lost back in years ahead of me. I guess when Dumbledore moved the Mirror of Erised, the passage was blocked up, as Fred and George tell Harry that the passage in the mirror is blocked up.

Ivy: MOVE YOUR FACE!

So yeah. You get the idea. Buffaloes. Explosions. Quidditch. Facepalm. Loop-de-loop. Occasional concussion. Really, there's absolutely nothing abnormal or suspicious about the Marionettes.

Hey! Who are you calling a weirdo?


	4. Rules and Schools are tools for fools!

I hate those days where my Logic voice gets in the way. CelestialGlobe's story included two characters; Logic and Common Sense. You know those coices you have your head? They exist, indeed, but don't fully develop until the age of eleven to twelve. I named mine after Logic and Common Sense and have grown quite fond of them.

Logic: Wish we could say the same.

Raven: I take that back...

I made a mental note to use a Serenessence Potion on Peacock Albino and Ivy tomorrow. Though unfortunately I rather believe that they're immune to the stuff, due to their loss of their sanity-_Dearie, in order for them to lose their heads they have to have them to begin with_. Yes, yes I know, who are you to steal my own quotation? _I am the lost Common Sense of an ancient roman kings-I believe he was named Cyrus? Or Nebuchanezzar? Or Belshazzar? After a while he fired me and decided to spend seven years eating grass and acting like a wild anima._ A retraining order's beginning to look mighty fine right now...

Anyways I decided that since Peacock Albino wakes up at six o' clock most days of the week that she would wake me up. So I tried to go back to sleep, when Ivy and Peacock Albino burst in singing YOU CAN'T SEE ME-ME IM HIDING IN A TREE-TREE. (**Lyrics belong to nigahiga**)

Lovely friends I have, don't I?

At breakfast, I could easily tell that eight hours of sleep can starve a human being in Ivy's case. And Sirius'. He and James were hogging the omelettes and making Peter complain. What's he complaining about? That's where the hammy bacon was hidden!

So I decided I should eat more healthy stuff and looked around for some watermelon, bananas, or oatmeal even though I hate the stuff. I guess I wasn't looking where I was going because I bumped into Rex Davies, who shook his fist at me as if to yell **CURSE YOU!** Then he sort of spilled some of his maple syrup on my robes which he must've charmed because Scourgify didn't help and I ended up smelling like burnt cookies for a pretty long time.

McGonagall asked us to Transfigure a stupid thimble into a button and somehow the room was filled with little doorbells and ding-dongs. No, the sound, ding-dong, not the Twinkie. Then somehow someone must've gotten a bell-bottom and someone else had a zipper. I can't say that McGonagall didn't facepalm only once that day. James Potter, Blanchette and I managed to make a little BUTTON. Blanchette's was shiny and pink and pearly. Mine was sort of-large and translucent. I didn't pay attention to James' but I knew his wand was good for Transfiguration and must've made the cut because McGonagall didn't wring his throat, like Sirius and Ivy, who made their thimbles smoke away with a dramatic explosion, singeing their eyebrows. No wonder Ivy hates Exploding Snap! Gryffindor-Ravenclaw double lessons rock.

We had a Ravenclaw-Slytherin class with Lotus. It was Potions, duh. Professor Slughorn awarded Ravenclaw some points. Lotus' and Lucius Malfoy's potion made the whole room shake and little shriveled newts came exploding out of it. Peacock and I tried our best, but we succeeded in making the entire room smell like licorice. I thnk it matches my elegant burnt chocolate chip fragrance very well.

Raven: FAIL. (_Reminding myself of a day in the ballet dressing room, where loudly and awkwardly I exclaim, "Did someone steal my underwear?"_)

Peacock Albino: How did we manage that?

Raven: Next time YOU dice the dried newtskin, k?

Peacock Albino: Whatever! I think YOU forgot the hellbore!

Raven: Did not! And what about the monkshood?

Peacock Albino: Please don't tell me you were making the Draught of Living Death?

Raven: Um, I was.

Peacock Albino: AAAARRRGH I WAS MAKING FELIX FELICIS!

Lotus: Weren't we supposed to make a Forgetful Potion?

Wooooowwwww. Just, we all need hearing aids. And 90 years earlier than usual.

So we walk into Defense Against the Dark Arts. Yesterday we had no DADA. Today we're excited (and not) to see who the teacher will be. And in walks this woman who is like, Umbridge A Hundred Years Ago. Let me check our criminal files-ah, a description of the suspect. Here is our prediction and recordings.

_Crystaliz Monjelo. "Crystalized Major Pink Puke". Female, OC-ish in an Umbridge way sort of...like, pretty and blonde and pink-cheeked, bubbly and giggly and slender yet SOOOO Umbridge...unknown House, either Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Mary Sue past (i.e. wails about her abusive parents who were killed by death eaters and how horrible things were to her and how EVERYBODY was SO MEAN and teased her for being the Lady Who Sold Lemonade. Have someone mistake her for a boggart and turn her into a golden retriever poodle with a little pink bow, have her desk charmed to shut her inside for three days, have a random Gryffindor drop something accidentally into her pretty cherry blossom-painted teacup with pastel pink sugar, have her hit by the Experimental Explosive Jinx, and have a pig tail. Villain/Professor. So cute and childish that you just want to puke but so sweet you're suspicious of her, yet when the Headmaster talks with her she passes herself off as innocent...like the little brother who gets you in trouble and is NEVER CAUGHT. Is able at looking angelic and innocent. Afraid of "Sunday Intimate Time" with the Professor of Muggle Studies when he likes to sing horribly and off-key when everyone can hear him from his office. Has an annoying little poodle named Loulou._

Cyrstaliz: Hello, please call me "Crystaliz". I am your teacher for DADA and I will-(giggle) teach you anything you wish, my little kiddies. I decided on teaching you-

Raven: Could you reach us curses like Waddiswasi?

Crystaliz: I'm so sorry dearie, what?

Raven: WADDIWASI!

Crystaliz: Please be quiet, or it will be five points. Like young Kylie said, we shall begin class with learning about each other! I am Crystaliz Monjelo or "Crystal" or "Professor Monjelo", understand? Or Miss Monjelo! Please call me Crystal! Next, you, Mackenzie.

Raven: Kajay Ky-

Crystaliz: How interesting! Now you, darling. Are you Jimmy Carter?

James: James Pott-

Crystaliz: Excellent, excellent! How about you, sweetheart?

Sirius: I'm Siri-

Crystaliz: Ah! Young Mr. Grave wishes to be called Siri, please understand his wishes!

Sirius: NO! IT'S SIR! SAY SIRIUS!

Crystaliz: I am sorry to hear you interrupting. Mr. Carter, Mr. White, and Miss Ky-ten points for each of you, from each House you work for. Merida and Folco would-

Peacock Albino: Minerva and Filius, ma'am.

Crystaliz: -Would be ashamed. Twenty points from Ravenclaw, Miss, and I shall take ten more if you do not call me Crystal, dearie.

Then for Muggle Studies, which I took so I could have more OWLS, I guess, was with Professor Gumbis Migilly. I shall look in our files for that, too.

_Professor Gumbis Migilly. Filch's assistant, Muggle Studies teacher, extremely annoying, likes to burst into off-key song. Male-almost. Greying hair which looks suspiciously orange and bright turquoise eyes. Squib. Boasts loudly of how he worked as a milk delivery guy for years then entertained little kiddies at parties and lost his head while playing croquet. Occasionally serious. Win an award or become a comic book writer. Hilariously crazy professor. Sirius Black Dumbledore reincarnation. Ditzy yet very smart, horrible singer who insists on "Intimate Teacher Time" where they sit around and stare at each other on Sundays. Not very good at persuasion or lying. Likes Quidditch, Muggle Studies, annoying Crystaliz Bridgetta Monjelo, practicing public karate, playing I-can't-see-you-so-you-can't-see-me-hide and seek, and yelling ABRA CADABRA at random objects or yelling "YOU'LL NEVER WIN THIS FIGHT, VOLDEMORT," to Professor Flitwick and scaring the heck out of some unfortunate students. Peeves is his ally. Doesn't like Professor Monjelo, Dueling, Pepsi soda. Best friend is his imaginary friend, his teddy bear Alberto he calls "Bertie" and who he listens to for advice. And he says because of Bertie he's never wrong._

It's true, it's true.

Gummy: Hello! I am the Great Gatsby! (_imitates child voice coming from Bertie_) _But no! He's the big Gumbis Migilly!_ (Normal voice) Silence, Alberto! Bertie is right, though! I'm Gummy Bear, is you prefer, though, I don't like all this "Professor me" stuff. (Bertie voice) _Yes, and he's crazy! Don't leave your socks anywhere near his desk! He might eat them!_ Now come on, Bertie! I-

Logic voice: He sounds crazy.

Raven: Oh shh!

Gummy Bear: Hmm, self-talking, eh? My mother cured me of it by making me drink every time a spoonful of codfish oil and three-day bread! Worked after a while!

Logic: She probably made him eat it to shut him up.

Raven: It didn't work, then.

Gummy Bear: Let's all sing together! YO-YODELIHO! YODELUIAHO! EDLEADLIDLO! (This is something similar to yodeling, but much worse)

McGonagall: (Rushing in) Sir! Oh dear! Is somebody being murdered in here?

Awesome professor. Loony, yet awesome.

As we walked out for lunch we saw a new student. However there was one strange thing about her.

She had long, flowing, silky golden hair. Her eyes were blue. He. Hair seemed toof low in a nonexistent breeze, she wore a sundreswith at sparkled and shimmered, as if it were silken mother-of-pearl, with rainbow disco lights emanating from it. She smiled and sang soprano. Everything around her sparkled with a golden light.

McGonagall: Hello, Kelly Leilly Meredith Sheila Moonrisem Summersparkleshinyshadow! (See! Her magic Mary Sue perfume has taken over the teacher!) I'm Professor McDonald-

Logic: Uh oh. This is a Mary Sue. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Common Sense: NOW'S THE TIME TO FETCH THE GUILLOTINE!

Raven: SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE ACTUAL MARAUDER UNIVERSE!

Lotus: Now let's work it out, there ought to be a peaceful-

Common Sense: Can we use the guillotine now?

Logic: Why don't you ever allow me to use my awesome baseball bat?

Common Sense: Dear, teaching young people how to kill with lethal sports weapons is NOT a good thing! Besides watching VHI, it's the worst thing I heard of.

Raven: OK! MARY SUE! WE GOT THE MESSAGE! I think you and Archer coming into here messed it.

Globe: WHAT?

Peacock Albino: (rolling eyes) Explain now, maestra.

Raven: Two people from fanfiction in the Marauder universe! Uh-huh! Corrupts! Fanfiction mixed with reality-all these people named the way I want them, us getting the appearances we dreamed of...too perfect! Eventually all this creates a Mary Sue, which means she's like a bad luck charm!

Gummy Bear: And thus, we must straighten this paradox by trying to keep her powers and self away from us.

Bertie: We've been through a couple strange things, haven't we, Gummy?

Gummy Bear: Oh indeed, Bertie. Why, I used to be the milkman on Delancey Route Street. Then some highfalutin-

Ivy: (clears throat)

Gummy Bear: -folk come along and ruin the buisness! Grocery shops! I hate them! So now I have to go be a party entertainer, yessiree, and a good one at that! Then I knocks out my head, you see, with a CROQUET BALL! THE PERSNICKETY DRATTED DINGDONG!

Peacock Albino: Excuse me!

Gummy Bear: Now's everything ruined, and now a Mary Sue comes along! Just joy!

Lotus: Why-

Bertie: Why the summer rainfall of '08 was quite bad enough for Unkie, but this...it is like twenty tsunamis in a row! For a millennium!

Raven, Ivy, Peacock Albino, Lotus: **Speak English**.

Gummy Bear: In other words, Bert and I have survived through thick and fat. And Kelly LEiLlY! Is the worst thing, because this Mary Sue is like the ultimate Mary Sue.

Gummy Bear: Plus you have to send the Mary Sue back without disturbing or letting her author know! It is a good thing you are here, Globe and Archer. (Dramatic pause) I gotta go teach some snotty noses.

Raven: Sure. I got flying lessons.

Madam Hooch told us that we all did excellently. Using my natural charm I asked her if anyone was likely to make the Quidditch team. She gave a me a look that said, "Are you plotting something?"

DUHHHHH! I'm plotting the end of the world! Making a bomb from scratch, lady!

Ivy: Oohhh what are you planning?

Raven: Quidditch.

Ivy: WHAT?

Raven: We are going practice Quidditch!

Ivy: AWESOME! What did you say?

Raven: We're gonna procure brooms on the local black market!

Ivy: What? There isn't any!

Lotus: Wait-I think I heard-

Raven: Lucius Malfoy! I bet he's importing some Silver Arrows or Comets and Shooting Stars, huh? Lil' Dragon-boy said he wanted to smuggle a Nimbus somewhere in the future. Must be a familial trait-at least I hope. Anyways, we're going to find some Silver Arrows. I'm set on it. Well, I believe that we, the awesome Marionettes, should either work on a prank or train Ivy, future Gryffindor seeker.

Peacock Albino: WHAT?

Ivy: YES! THANK YOU!

(lThree hours later, sitting in the Room of Requirement)

Ivy: These brooms suck. I need a Firebolt or something!

Friends...a shoulder to cry on when someone deserted you, people who cheer you up when you're blue, and a person to facepalm about too.


	5. I Don't Give Two Mules for Rules

This is dark times. No, my uncle has not managed to food poison us with fish again. Though I wish he did to Kelly Leilly. Her blonde hair is all shiny and silky and emitting stronger rays of glamour. Its hard to resist.

They went through the trouble to invent a totally new House named Sparkleshiny which has a common room with iPads (iPads? HELLO! What time are we in?) cell phones, a popcorn machine, Jacuzzi, (I bet the marauders sent Remus to take shots of her like in Ebony Way) roses, and much more. But she's allowed to visit ANYWHERE SHE WANTS! NOOOOOO!

Gummy Bear was right. She's immune to blades (Ivy did try with the bread knife and Kelly LEiLlY was all sweet and polite to her and apologizing for being in the way), Potions (I partnered with her and accidentally dropped some green goo on her which she had already made perfectly and added pink swirls to and apologized), water (Peacock Albino bumped into her while she was walking over to Ivy's table with a water cup), and flamethrowers (don't ask me where Gummy Bear got it).

She has really long blonde curly/wavy/straight on certain days hair which you can smell all sorts of girly shampoo scents from-mint, strawberry, coconut, etc. If she swishes it at you (it drapes on the floor) you are overpowered by her sweetness and glamour rays, acting OOC and "Let's sing about sunshine, rainbows, pink and puppies!". Everything she says, she sings in some soprano-alto harmony which isn't scientifically possible. There's a jingle in the air when she moves, some light perfume and pink sparkles radiate from her, as well as she's apparently a "vampire with straight teeth and has eyes like limpid tears".

Worst of all, Kelly LEiLlY! has a magical ability to appear in random places! Often where WE are!

Raven: Well, that's not really interrupting our scheduel...

Here's our life today.

1. Raven wakes up. Peacock Albino is shaking her and hitting her with a whopping five-pound book.

2. Ivy wakes up. Screams at alarm clock. Alarm clock continues. Ivy completely destroys or explodes alarm clock. Or some days throws it out the window and barely misses Kelly LEiLlY out taking her morning walk. Wakes up, singing whatever comes to mind (not a good habit. It tends to break glass and mirrors in the environment)

3. Marionettes go to breakfast with Globe and Archer.

4. Clothes are Transfigured to bright, unflattering, poofy clothing or drab plaid creations. Thanks, Marauders.

5. Raven screams EXPULSO! At Marauder's pants, exploding them in their seats making a loud noise, and Transfiguring them into diapers.

6. Classes begin. McGonagall teaches us how to turn a rock into a bouncy ball. Allows Kelly LEiLlY! to flirt with Marauders in class. Kelly LEiLlY! snogs Sirius in public.

7. Raven mimes barfing up her bouncy ball.

8. Globe laughs jumping and pointing finger at Marauders fighting for kELLY LEiLlY! kElly LEiLlY! cries and McGonagall takes ten points from Globe's house. Adds ten points randomly to Sparkleshiny.

9. Flitwick teaches us how to conjure up keys. Raven yells KLEIDI and a big honking key hits Ivy in the face. Ivy faints.

10. Professor Sprout warns us not to pour the whole bag of dirt onto the Creeping Clawthorne-too late.

11. Ivy calls in "fingerless" to Potions. Raven gets partnered with Regor Davies. (Can't remember his name)

12. Walk by the Black Lake, Raven finds out how sticky the Giant Squid is. Pours salt (or was it arsenic?) in Ivy's dessert later.

13. Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Kettleburn nearly Kills Archer with a Kneazle.

14. Marionettes prank Marauders. Hope they enjoy la vie en rose, aka pink animal transmogrification.

15. James doesn't like la vie en rose.

Yes, I know, we're chilling it out.

Raven: ANYWAYS how do you get rid of a Mary Sue? Do you eventually melt her into ashes, stab her with a glittery cattleprod, throw pink-feathered darts at her, or sic a bunch of Animagi on her? Wait...oh no. Please do not tell me you're thinking what I'm thinking.

Logic: Specimens of brain disorder having something in common...this is not good.

Ivy: WE'RE GONNA BE ANIMAGI! WHOOHOOO!

For the first time we ventured to the library and made a trap to revenge on Madam Pince which she hasn't tripped so if you go to Hogwarts, lucky fellow, don't open any book titled "**Boring Stuff Which Will Make You Fall Asleep About Roman History**". I'm sure I'm not demanding too much to remember.

Kelly LEiLlY just turned into a golden doodle. A golden retriever poodle. We haven't any progress on turning into Animagi AT ALL. Unless...well, we did sprout a lot of body hair, and perhaps some unattractive extensions, or was it something we ate? I'm never going to look at chocolate the same way again.

Raven: How about we-hey, did Severus just walk in with bat-shaped bogeys circling his face?

Peacock Albino: YUCK!

Snape: Whoever did this, I'm setting them on fire.

James: AHAHAHAHAHAA!

_(Three minutes later)_

James: He wasn't kidding.

Ah, yes. The process of changing into an Animagus. We picked up the concept. Eventually we learned it in third year. Hah! Beat that, Marauders. You're two years late. It took a while to figure out our forms (Peacock Albino-Polar Bear. Raven-duh, Raven. Ivy-Black Cat. Lotus-Doe).

Gummy Bear: Today we shall learn about Muggle devices, such as the "mathematics". Now, have any of you heard of it? No? Then turn to page six in your book. Now, does anyone know the names of some muggle math equations?

Kelly LEiLlY: (rambles and just maths him out)

Class: ?!

Peacock Albino: :) :) :) !

Lotus: !

Raven: -_- -_- -_- !

Ivy: Zzzzzzzz!

When we woke Ivy up, she said something like "dwaaaaa gani twaaaasaa!" or "count the floraaaa and the faunaaaa" or "you idiooooot Raaaven aaaaah!"

Then we ran down to our break and practiced to do our broom stuff. I really, really, need to reserve a bed or three for Madam Pomfrey on Thursdays. Just saying. I mean, we started practicing to be Beaters and Chasers, and I started experimenting to see if I can block a Bludgers with myself.

Ivy: I want to train to be a Gryffindor Seeker.

Raven: You could be the Bludgers substitute and kill the-never mind.

If we continue practice like this, Madam Pomfrey will suspect they're dueling injuries, not Care of Magical Creatires class. And apparently, just as DADA has doomed teachers, CMC (Care of Magical Creatures) has professors trying to kill you with a bunch of crazy dangerous animals. Except for the substitutes. Subs are always exceptions.

Herbology class also is pretty boring. All we do is tend to the Creeping Clawthornes, which look like innocent strawberry vines but turn into Venus flytraps if you don't watch out. They're like miniature Venomous Tentacula-hey, I'm wondering if "Venomous Tentacula" is poisonous, or if they named that after the fangs it has.

Has your partner ever tried to Transfigure something, and accidentally hit you? I'm going to "accidentally" change Peacock Albino's hat into a rampaging raccoon too, once she changes me back to a rampaging Raven.

Potions was a disaster. Our cauldron was ten shades off of violet, according to Slughorn's crucial color chart. Of course adored Lily Evans got it perfect along with Severus, so I decided to befriend them, like Lotus did.

At lunch Kelly LEiLlY comes along, throwing her golden shiny silky satiny hair and it sparkles. We're all overpowered slightly by her perfume and start to smile and nod at her automatically when Ivy saves our faces. Now, I pride myself on internal resistance, and I'm not a sunshiny person, but when the perfume hits your nose you either smile and become subdued or you fall asleep-and, shamefully, yes I admit my own snore woke me up. Ivy pulls my shoes off and I'm yelling at her. Ivy's proclaiming "Amulet! Mary Sue Resistance! Anyone for two Galleons? Three Galleons?"

After that short break we went to our next class. DA. Spiffing.

Crystal: Hello, kiddies! Welcome to another class! I was thinking today we are going to learn the spell "Scintilla", which will create a stream of sparks. This way when we perform it, nobody will get hurt.

Raven: But we can do sparks using our wand anytime!

Crystal: Please do not interrupt me. Ten points from Ravenclaw, I am very sorry.

Raven: (raises hand)

Crystal: Yes, Miss Summersparkleshinyshadow?

Kelly LEiLlY: (pausing dramatically as pink sparks swirl around her and jingle, then sings) I believe that this is a brilliant conception, Professor. Scintilla!

Crystal: Very well! Please perform Scintilla, Miss Kyle.

Raven: Kyee, ma'am.

Crystal: Yes, McKinley. Go on, please, dear.

Raven: Sci-

Crystal: Dearie, your wand holding position is incorrect-please drape your index finger on the slender curve.

Raven: Yes, Miss-

Crystal: Oh, and you are not pronouncing Scintilla correctly, try again.

Raven: I haven't tried it ye-

Crystal: That is thrice you have interrupted me. Please sit in the corner.

Raven: Ma'am?

Crystaloz: HUSH! Detention! Sit in the corner! Now, Miss Magdalene...Miss Kyra! What did I say? You must go sit in the corner!

Raven: But-

Crystaliz: *sighs* Fine, speaking granted. What, then?

Raven: I can't sit in the corner.

Crysatliz: And whyever not?

Raven: This room-it's round.


	6. Does This Smell Like Chloroform?

At breakfast we socialized with the Marauders. They hadn't come up with their name (oh dear no, they hadn't started pillaging Hogwarts yet) so we weren't accused of being copycats. I did offer this to James.

James: Really? I can join in?

Raven: Sure! We can do it together!

Both: It's a date!

Private in-joke, yeah. We were laughing together. In the Marionettes, I represent him. He's the kind of "imperialistic rise-to-the-occasion disorder" person, intelligent and goofing off but tactful despite obvious bluntness, always trying to cheer his friends and keep them active-active meaning creating projects and plots, pranks and other creepy thoughts. Just like me.

_Not that many miles away, two teenager girls were walking around. One had scored a Gryffindor on an online Sorting quiz, and was chewing gum rather loudly. The lther had scored Ravenclaw and Slytherin, and had long blonde hair._

_"I've always dreamed of meeting the Tara Gilesbe," one said almost dreamily, though the loud sound of her chewing gum interrupted the effect._

_"Yeah, it's not like we see her everyday, note sarcasm," another one said, flipping her long blonde hair off of her face. _

_"Hey, yo, Britney! Caroline!" A girl yelled from somewhere I don't know-a tree, the park. She rushed over, with dark bangs cut over her forehead and makeup that made her look like a stereotype of a goth, or at least according to My Immortal._

_"That's Ebony," Britney spoke, flicking her blonde hair again._

_"I know!" Caroline snapped. "And you! It's Cara, like Cara Olivia Queen in LOVE IS WAR! I can't wait until Tara tries again!"_

_"Hey! You preps! Don't forget me!' Another girl appeared with pure white hair, obviously dyed._

_"That'll be Jo Belle," added Britney._

_"I know that too," Cara frowned._

_"And that's-"_

_"JUST GET IT, LADY, I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DISGUISED AS, THANKS!"_

_The several authors appeared. They were authors to different Mary Sue fan-fiction stories. Most of their fictions were deleted. Some of the most known were dressed as their main characters, those who hadn't written a Mary Sue fiction yet had disguised as Tara's creations and acting just like them-or, they dressed as a minor character in a Mary Sue fit, such as Britney was Britney. Nobody totally saw that coming! They had created a website where they posted all of their stories along with many, many others._

_"Ok, let's go through this quickly," said an easily recognizable Sara Trucker. "Now, who hasn't registered?"_

_"According to lists-TG herself." Gasps echoed. TG stood for Tara Gilesbe herself._

_"I'm NOT waiting," a couple declared._

_"I'm busy texting!" Ebony called._

_"Yeah, and I'm emailing Jessica," some random Sue woth curly blonde hair added._

_"And I'm reading Twilight," Cara spoke. "Hey, you boarder! Don't you know that nobody is allowed here without a Mary Sue?"_

_"Sorry!" The guy spoke. "Actually-I-I do have a Mary Sue,"_

"_Yeah right," Britney spoke. She was dressed as Ginny or Britney from My Immortal. "More likely a Gary Stu, and Imma Wiserd already logged in. See?"_

_"But here she is-I can't disguise as her, um, author is sick-I own Akira-oh, curse it-I forgot her entire name. But it's changed. It used to be Mary Sue."_

_"We got her author," Britney answered bored, pointing to a girl with violet hair who smiled shyly._

_"Um-no, Mary Something Joe Dumpster Sue-she's got, what sixteen-ish middle names? I'm glad I only have one," the guy answered._

_"You don't mean THAT Mary Sue!" Cara screamed, "Kelly's rival? You! She's got the nicknamed Little Miss Mary Sue, Epicness!"_

_"You're Archer, aren't you?" Harriet Potter frowned._

_"Don't you shoot any arrows at us, Twilight hater," Hermione's twin sister sneered._

_"We know your perfection Sue. You're mocking her but making her popular. However we are going to make a Sue even more popular," Tara Gilesbe's voice drawled from the doorway. All turned, and she walked to them, hair dyed black and cut short. "It's on," she whispered. _

_"Pick me!" The cry rang. "I'll post a story! All them (insert variation for "stupid head" or "moron") will bow to me! Ooh! Miss G!"_

_"SILENCE!" Tara roared. She pointed to Carrie, smirking. Carrie gasped and closed Twilight, which was reaching its best part (when the random guy runs over Bella in a car?). Tara examined Carrie. A new author had just registered under the name VIVIANNE. _

_"We need to get you a Kelly LEiLlY costume, Miss Gillesworth."_

_There was a long silence._

_"My last name is Goonesby!"_

We were having fun as usual when Globe said she wished she could update. Her absence in updating Miss Mary Sue was startling many authors. Also, unaware to her, someone was flaming her and she had a sudden ache. I haven't experienced it yet, but she had. Archer suddenly vanished.

"Hello?" Kelly LEiLlY appeared, smiling. She flicked her gold hair. AHHHH. I was in paradise. Sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and chocolate rivers and Ivy slapping my face...Ivy slapping my WHAT?

Gummy Bearx: HELLOOOO! RAVENNA!

The nightmare worsens...

Gummy Bear: So what's up?

Logic: Who knew that Gummy would save your life? Why is his hair orangey-gray-

Common Sense: And you, you're invisible.

Logic: B-b-but it doesn't make sense...oh, aaaah!

Common Sense: (Sighs) Does anyone have a phone?

Logic: (Gasping) 9-1-1!

Gummy Bear: Raven dear, really, would you like me to cure you of talking to yourself?

Anyways here we are...Herbology. Voila. Oh nice to see you, Creeping Clawthornes! It's a mix between mignonette, Hawthorne and Venus Flytrap, meaning it's a creeping strawberry plant that turns into a tree as it gets older and it bites you. Do these gloves smell like chloroform to you, or-

Ivy: Curse you, Sirius!

_Britney explained the process of creating Mary Sues. First you created the image of your Mary Sue by dressing up (thus "Self-Insertion" step 1), then had your image and measurements scanned by some cloning software. Finally your virtual clone was sent to Fanfiction. Normally she'd act the way your personality was until you wrote her a new one, or gave her specific lines to say by writing about her in the Fanfiction. _

_"I'M not doing it," Britney spoke._

_"You'll have an owl named Ivory. Like that owl Harry Potter has-you know, Headache," Tara explained patiently. _

_"You've convinced me," Britney replied, snickering._

We were happily getting killed by Madam Pomfrey's Pepperup Potion, when all of a sudden someone ELSE appears right next to Kelly LEiLlY.

"WILLA!" Kelly screamed. "Willow Isabella Kawaii Vikki Blue-Jay Sushi!"

"Not bad for a mental ward in disguise," Willa spoke, staring at Hogwarts, leaning casually against the walls.

Kelly LEiLlY: Everyone this is Willa! Willa Sushi!

Willa Sushi: Hello-oh, great, Mary Sues.

Raven: Actually, the opposite.

Willa Sushi: Yeah yeah that's what they all say.

Ivy: Just drink up your Pepperup, jeez, Raven. And no, she didn't get a concussion, she's not OOC, she doesn't have dyslexia, claustrophobia, corvidophobia or ADHD. She was like this when she got here.

Willa: You talking about her, or me?

Raven: Just a question-um, why would I be afraid of crows and ravens of all birds?


	7. Order In the Food Court

Globe and Archer were out in the library with us, and we were doing homework. Like, really! I only got us kicked out for transforming _A Lexicon of Legendary Locations_ into a giant blob of jelly because I was practicing!

Ivy: Gee, thanks a lot.

Raven: No problem. We already finished that essay on that Creeping Clawthorne.

Peacock Albino: But we didn't!

Raven: YOU didn't? I already had two feet of parchment!

Peacock Albino: Well, I had two inches!

While I was busy yelling at the sweet, sympathetical, extremely patient and NOT annoying Ivy, several kids comes up laughing and pointing.

Willa Sushi and Rodney Davies are fighting! Also, Willa was totally kicking his behind, and she was only a first year! She also pronounced a spell which immediately gave her a win.

Peacock Albino: I don't remember hearing that spell before.

Raven: It's very imaginative.

Ivy: "Shave him". I need to remember that.

Ross Davies: MY HAIR!

Raven: Let me try it out-

Peacock Albino: NOT ON ME!

_"Must I explain it AGAIN?" Tara asked. "I need a piece of your DNA to clone you and the flash drive containing your story."_

_"We don't have one," Britney began, not wanting to share anything that could be plugged in to Tara's laptop, but Cara stopped her, pulling out a bejeweled keychain. "I thought that was a flashlight!" Britney argued, but Tara simply glared at her and muttered something inappropriate. Yes, people. Let's keep it for the kids._

_"I saved all of Kelly Leilly's data," Cara smiled, flicking her golden hair wig. The two of them wanted to leave, and Britney wanted to stay. After urges to come along she refused,__ sighed and sat down. She looked at her hair. An old habit she had was talking to herself instead of acting all angsty and woe-is-me the way other people would._

_"You know, I don't get her," she frowned at the blue bench she sat on. Was that white stuff bird indiscretion? "I don't want to be part of her stupid story. I'm Britney, and not some messed-up Mary Sue creator. You know what? I'm not going to be. If she's going to be perfect, she's going to have some zest."_

_She pulled out her backup flash drive and reached into the stranded backpacks, searching. She knew Tara wouldn't actually program the Mary Sue into Hogwarts' memory until she was actually created, and then Tara would wait for several days and finally give into Cara's nagging and program her. This meant Kelly LEiLlY would act the way she was described until she was programmed, then everything that happened in her story would happen. When the data ran out, Tara and Cara could type in more and control Hogwarts' evil Mary. Her hand touched Carrie's laptop in her book bag. Immediately she clicked onto the document "KELLY LEILLY AND HOGWARTS" and started editing it, adding in descriptions of Willa Sushi._

_"What about-neon green and pink hair? That's quite unusual for anyone...On second thought, maybe auburn? Yes, and it glows with sparks. Also it's wavy, and for once...SHORT AND TRIMMED!" The blonde stared at her own blue and gold hair, and smiled._

_"Time for a change," she fumbled in her own backpack, pulling out a slim silver cable and a hairdressing salon coupon, running off._

Willa Sushi was there, beating up Rentu Davies when suddenly she faded. Into mist. Then she reappeared. No more absurdly long, straight blue and gold hair with green eyes. Instead she looked-almost normal, with-OH MY PANTS-Short, wavy, auburn hair?

Willa: Hello! Hello, Hogwarts, hope you enjoyed the show, you all owe me two pounds.

Raven: What of?

Willa: (facepalm) Money...

_Britney realized she had only halfway written up Willa's part._

_"With no data, that will make this easier," she spoke. "Ok...time in here and there ought to be different, and knowing how speedy Tara seems the data running out thing ought to occur in like, twelve seconds. OOH! BEAT THAT, MARY SUE QUEEN! UH-HUH! Ah-dialogues with the subconscious are wonderfully reveling in mental omnipotence and vanity," she sighed, knowing half of the words in that sentence were words she did not know herself. Now she had a radical decision to change her hairstyle._

_She smiled at the hairdresser, Collette, who allegedly was afraid of her._

_"Hi, Collette," she smiled. The French maid whimpered._

_"Que voulez vous avec moi?" Collette asked. (What do you want with me?)_

___The boss, a busty woman with long dark hair, green eyeshadow, long fake eyelashes and an even faker falsetto voice insisted that Collette knew English better than her dear mother. Apparently, her mother must've confused English with the noble Spanish language. Britney would've tried it, but with Carrie and the Mary Sue meetings she had no time to learn Spanish properly. The only words she knew were hello, goodbye, may I go to the bathroom? (Had she delved deeper she would've noticed that technically she was saying "bathroom please can?")_

Actually, I meant that.

Por favor, puedo ir al baño?

Check it out, we're interacting with a Mary Sue, and we're not feeling dizzy from glamour rays or anything. The only suspicious smell on her is-did she eat macaroni for breakfast?

Ivy: EWWWW RAVEN, YOU JUST RUINED MY MIND!

Globe: Ok-(notes it down) Fifty times.

Raven: Why are you writing that down?

Globe: Maybe I can turn it in and get a world record for repetition? I've been recording all of our conversation to prove the "You've ruined my mind!" happens at different points.

Raven: She's only spent 48 hours making your world record, so hope that the judges don't fall asleep.

Globe: Oh no, I'm saving it into my computer as a digital scrapbook. If I ever get back.

Raven: WA WA WAAAAAA!

Lotus: Raven!

Raven: Oh, sorry! DUN DUN DUHHHHHH!

_Britney smiled at her hair. It was her personality. Begone white blonde Britney prep! Now she was way beyond that. She was about to crush the flash drive but stopped, remember the rest of her plan. She walked to the "cloning laboratory." Her Mary Sue should be done by now...Tara was quick with scanning. She plugged the flash drive in and stared at the computer screen, then plugged the slim silver cable._

_**PASSWORD?**_

_She tried all combinations. No? Then she tried **ihatnurtheners113**. Nope. **ihatbritney** didn't work, either. Ugh. Maybe **Kelly LEiLlY? Summersparkleshinyshadow**?_

_Oh, how dumb it was!_

_**NOT a Mary Sue**, she wrote. The computer accepted it and started working. She started inserting her clone into the memory of Hogwarts. Suddenly three minutes later, an alert pop-up told her the data had run out. Her Mary Sue would be put on "pause", which meant she would act accordingly to her personality and Britney couldn't control her until she added in more of her story. She hummed and clicked on another icon._

___Britney connected the cable to some headphones and scanned her appearance. 3D images of herself as the new Will Sushi appeared. She put on a green suit with metal detectors and an exoskeleton built into the fabric. Special gloves with motion sensors and shoes came next._

_"Let's blow this popsicle stand," she decided._


	8. Listen to me when I say D after A

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. **

**Ivy: But you do, unfortunately, own me.**

**Raven: As a character, yes. **

**Ivy: But I am a real person!**

**Raven: If you haven't deduced it already, **Ivy is a real person. **And we often have strange conversations together.**

**Ivy: Tell me about it...**

This morning, I woke up wondering about the Marauder's Map. I decided that it might help us a bit if we had one-AND an invisibility cloak. But I didn't want to copy to Marauders too much.

I pondered over the possibilities-Decoy Detonators first generation? No, we might get the Marauders into trouble. Brooms? What am I, an amateur?

Then I was thinking of the Ultimate Jinx I invented. It does everything. It changes your legs to jelly, stuffs cheese, flowers and bubblegum up your nose, electrifies you, sics canaries on you, sends you flying away, binds you and ropes you. Maybe I could make the Ultimate Spell to create ultimate stealth. Dumbledore figured out how to make a powerful Disillusionment Charm; I don't think it was a simple charm, somebody must've traded a spell with him for his protection and support. I was hoping to be that someone. Aurors could use it.

But then again, knowing Dumbles and how Aurors DON'T disappear into the background, I say he kept it to himself so that questioned Aurors won't allow this valuable spell to be known to Death Eaters, rendering them invincible. I'm not giving the spell to the MARAUDERS, either. I scribbled down a list of spells.

_Evanesco._

_Disapparecium_

_Silencio_

_Quietus_

_Unitas_

_Contrarolotulum_

_Leviosa Minima_

I wanted the user to be invisible, yet all of their actions would be silenced, and they could control their invisibility so if they held hands with someone or willed them to vanish and appear, they could. Also the leviosa minima was to have them float an inch above the ground so if somebody grabbed at them and they fell while ducking away, they wouldn't hit their head.

I don't know how you make a perfect Stealth Spell. You try it! Go on, I'll wait. I mean it.

I'll sit hear and re-read everything under the sun that Mark Twain wrote.

Peacock Albino was interested in the Stealth Spell, and especially Ivy. I'm not a huge rule breaker, in my school, I'm the goody-goody teacher's pet (Most of the time. I DO have a dark side). I try not to get in trouble. So far I haven't had detention in my life. I haven't gotten a progress report with a grade marked below A-. So I'm not quite sure if this spell is useful at all.

Ivy: OOH! Think of all awesome opportunities!

Raven: Think of how stressed out my conscious is gonna be.

Lotus: I think-

Marionettes: (incomprehensible squabbling)

Raven: (sighing) My imaginary friend thinks you have problems.

Ivy: YOU HAVE AN-

Raven: Yes. Her name is sometimes CHILDHOOD, and sometimes TAWNI. Get over it!

Ivy: B-b-but-TAWNI? REALLY?

Raven: She's my imaginary friend, okay? I don't want to advertise her. She's new. Just arrived on my birthday when I grew up.

DADA. Yay.

Crystaliz: Hello, class! Morning!

Class: ...

Crystaliz: Oh dear! We all seem so glum. What's wrong?

Raven: The question is, what isn't?

Crystaliz: Don't be so negative! Timeout!

Really? Do I look like I'm the age to have just walked out of ABC school?

Logic: Mentally, yes, yes you are.

Globe and Archer had vanished. Just like that. Into thin air. I guess that Globe must've found a loophole through fanfiction. She hasn't been around for a long time. Too bad, I liked her...

Gummy Bear took us to the passages. To make a long story short, to enter Ravenclaw's passage you have to say her motto. Once inside it is charmed to play your favorite music, glows a blue light so you can see, and sort of aspirated us. Alsit you float instead of fall in slo-mo. Once out you are left somewhere safe and hidden-we ended up in the Forbidden Forest. To get back in you have to say Rowena and are teleported backwards through a red tunnel to somewhere hidden, too. It could be anywhere. The passage is two small windows, once you say her phrase and thenyou enter them, while they surprisingly enlargen, however one is straight, one is curvy-split an R and it makes more sense. Going back, whoever you don't trust is left behind. Apparently, Ivy doesn't trust wacky weird people like Gummy Bear. She didn't keep his flamethrower.

Hufflepuff's passage is actually four passages linking to one in the shape of a straight H. It leads to one straight corridor. The four H passages are hidden-one inside a different common room. Lotus uses the Slytherin passage, Ivythe Gryffindor, and Peacock Albino and I the Ravenclaw passage. I'll tell you it's location, if you can convince me to.

Britney had played several Harry Potter video games. She hadn't been a huge fan of Harry Potter but she had to admit, Hogwarts was pretty awesome and this game of her own was addictive, if you call real life addictive. She'd mastered all "levels" which her imaginary friends of the day Gina and Tom had played along with her. They'd tricked Filch, conversed with McGonagall, laughed with Dumbledore, and discovered a copycat group of girls named-er, Mariokarts? Curse her addiction to video games...

"Oh, Tom-ha! In your face, Lucy!" She yelled at Lucius Malfoy. Maybe she'd go see the silly fangirls group of Marionettes. Suddenly the Marauders walked by and a blue flash blinded her momentarily.

Raven: Hello.

Britney: Hi.

Raven: SOO...

Britney: Bye.

Raven: Oh...

Britney: Why?!

Raven: I probably look like what they call in Espanol a bobo.

Britney: Nice...I-

Raven: PFF that's what they say, cool story bro...

Britney: And so? What's your problem with it?

Raven: Duh I look stupid. So I try not to make my inner stupidity too conspicuous.

Britney: (scoffs) Little girl, do you know what conspicuous means?

Raven: Duh. Obviously.

Ok. So, I spend my weekends back in America. How do you wonder?

On Saturdays and Sundays I have special permission (since I have a certain goody-goody teacher's pet charm thing) which allows some teachers to like me. My excuse was Saturdays and Sundays I would study for exams and still keep up with essential Muggle skills such as algebra, Pacific Northwest History, etc. This seemed to please most teachers since I had been extremely advanced in most subjects. Of course, not in Potions, but Slughorn liked me and Lily Evans for our bright minds and vivacious spirits. I also made sure to add in the old verbose speech to sell it. Once you ameliorate your speech to be accumulated with words, boom! You win, sister.

Naturally I had to time-travel to 2012. So I used the old magic theory which got us here to the 1900's. Dumbledore would communicate me homework by leaving sheets in the _Hogwarts, A History_ book. It would be a little surprising to see the homework suddenly appear in the midst of the Index.

_**Homer happened to be among the class of Mugwumps, (Muggle-Wizards, known as influential characters to both magic and mundane, such as Nicholas Flamel, Albert Einstein, Hans and Christian Grimm) and was known by wizards as De Horné-Limace. Homer, of Greek Origin, was fascinated endless things. He later wrote the Illiad and the Odyssey. He contributed to magic in such as way that a school was dedicated to him, and changed throughout many years, splitting into the Aeria and the Hephaestus. The Aeria engaged in reenacting his plays. Mysteriously as Muggle technology and education were used, the Aeria dedicated its school to Aristotle and instead was known to Muggles as the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki. The Hephaestus too forgot Homer and changed to become the National and Kapodistrian University of Athens, which became the school Godric himself attended-thus, he signed up for the secretive exclusive magic classes teaching spells and secret elixirs only Homer knew of, whose fumes he smelt and stirred blindly. **_

De Horné-Limace! Horné-Limace is a little strange-something ending in é in Frenchis what we use as -ed in English. Limace means slug in French. Horned in French, however, is cornu. I guess Homer was an ancestor of Horace Slughorn and somehow founded himself a name he liked. He lived at about 800 BC.

No wonder Sluggy prides himself.

Britney walked through when suddenly a creeper from Minecraft appeared next to her character.

"Aaah!" she screamed. The creeper didn't blow up or anything, it simply walked towards her muttering-well, creepy!-sounds and it's head blew up. To her horror it waled towards her, headless and droning in a monotonous voice. Britney suddenly jumped upwards so high that the creeper looked up and she landed on top of it, when it vanished. It was simply a projection-part of a Confundus Charm, probably.

"Come out wherever you are," she whispered.

"We're not afraid,' Gina echoed.

"Bring it on!" Tom yelled.

Hordes of pink marshmallows, giraffes, and rainbows peeked around the corner. Her worst fears surrounded her. Vomit and other disgusting stuff splashed and oozed on the floor. Her old aunt Fanny cackled in the corner. She adjusted her gear to the movement-sensitive gear, and taunted.

"This is just another karate class," she breathed.

Random blue flashes blinded us. Every time they occurred I thought they were suspicious, so I made my mind blank whenever I saw them. Pretty soon I decided that they were just me going bonkers (which is VERY possible, if you have read all thirteen previous chapters) and stopped it. That's exactly when they stopped, too, so I'm suspicious again.

I've been perfecting the Stealth Spell. Legilimens might be able to sense my presence and thoughts, so I'll add a serenity charm to keep the user's mind blank and calm so the Legilimens won't be able to tell the tension from my brain.I at first cast it on a paper airplane. Now, one good thing you should know is never, ever cast an experimental spell on something flammable or which can suddenly attack and kill you. Don't cast the spell on invisible stuff, robots, or large objects you'd like to keep (TV's, robes, best friends). The airplane was annoying. Maybe I shouldn't have cast an Anmatus Conjurus to make it move, because next thing I know-OW! Here I am! No, here I am! Shoo fly! Ouch! Thus, I have a good reason for sporting fantastic bruises, and not because I have been extremely clumsy. I am a klutz, though. I knocked down some embarrassing stuff, and I don't feel like advertising it. Slughorn sent three students to the hospital wing when Geoffrey Madison and Henry Addington sprouted tails and warts. In such situations, keep your head down, and look perfectly calm, however glare at people surrounding you so that you're not suspicious.

Logic: Like that's going to happen, nincompoop.

Raven: Hey! Who said that?

Logic: COMMON SENSE! HOW DARE YOU! (Glares at her)

Common Sense: Stop that, buddy, I do have a guillotine, don't I?

Britney stiffened as she saw it.

IT.

The worst of them all.

Sure, Mom's horrid dish of borscht, giant daggers thrown at her, and earthquakes were quite scary. The giant, huge smiling pink unicorn singing "I love you! Hug me!" in a sweet baby voice from Lola Bereva for her fifth birthday was alarming. She wouldn't have been more rattled by a zombie than a rock, but that was truly not her type.

But there IT was, the most horrible of all. Trembling she backed away, slowly twisted her wand (a special stylus made out of titanium with metal detectors and installed mind readers allowing her to command it through her thoughts and manipulate the little avatar on the screen) and cast the Revelio at it. The doll. The one her horrid Aunt Fanny gave her, with adorable gold curls, a red taffeta dress with bows and sashes, lace collars and petticoats, and glassy eyes which stared. It sang, too. Even though the song was sweet accompanied by a peaceful lullaby, it seemed to be screamy murder at her. The doll itself wasn't evil, but Britney's worst fear was a doll coming alive.

There was only one spell which could save her...oh, what was it?

"Expecto Cerebrum, duh!". Imaginary Tom rolled his eyes. "You need more brains? I got plenty for you."

"Expecto Patronum!" A silvery wisp formed. Britney concentrated on her best memory. She looked into the past where Cara and her went shopping-no, not her best, even though Cara was nice, the clothes were ridiculous and ticked her off-aha! The day Aunt Fanny got married and oven over to Jamaica with Ernesto and Ernesto-juniors. That was the last she saw of her shampoo filled with peroxide and her makeup filled with cancer-vulnerable chemicals. And of the smelly perfume.

A stronger shape slowly formed. Britney pushed and pushed, batting the doll away with her arms. It advanced slowly, singing and dancing, spinning and smiling at her. She was sure it was a boggart. No Confundus Charm this time. She would blame the Marauders for this. Candy canes and sugarplums filled her vision. Candy! Christmas! Jesus's Birth! The doll vanished, attacked by a silver, baby elephant. It batted it away with its ivory tusks and Britney smiled.

I was walking and was attacked by a robot! And a dog! Saliva! I was going to get hives! Help! AAAAH! Immediately I screamed. Mrs. Tringallee from kindergarten walked up.

"Timeout again. Get the mat! Get the mat!"

Mrs. Nobles the principle was right beside her, moving like androids.

"Off with her dress!" I looked down to check and see if I was wearing that ridiculous fairy princess dress. No, I wasn't. My science teacher frowned and glared.

"F- again. I am so disappointed in you."

Robots! Dogs! Teachers! Ayee!

"Hello, Raven," smiled a clown. I tried to keep my cool, but I was hyperventilating. I suddenly remembered the wand in my hand. I tried everything. Repelling them with fire, I realized and swiftly cast the Stealth Spell upon myself.

How am I going to undo it? I wondered. I would try Aparecium, I guessed. Or Finite. Otherwise I'd pay McGonagall a visit. She's an expert in Transfiguration, after all.

Nothing changed. They kept lunging for me. Then the lyrics to a song rang into my head. I suddenly realized they might be an illusion. Marauders! Magic!  
I ran down the hallway, searching for the two windows. I whispered "Wit in great measure is man's greatest treasure!" wherever I went and yelled it. I could see Ravenclaw in my mind's eye facepalming. Finally I showed the nearest windows.

I reappeared in front of the picture of a fruit bowl. I had forgotten what to do to enter the kitchens behind it due to my fear and hyperventilating. I simply ran my hands over the picture frantically. Suddenly I noticed a crease underneath the pear and started feeling it carefully when it laughed and transformed into a handle with an ornate pattern on it, which I realized was GRSH. What?

Entering the kitchens, a dozen house elves greeted me happily.

Now, I agree in sorts with Hermione, and in sorts not-yes, house elves do endure abuse. But to start SPEW and assume they are ALL abused, then to go around trying to free them is like to get your friend fired from his job, which is his hobby for which he is not paid. No wonder they hated Hermione.

I mean, just because you meet Winky, Dobby and Kreacher with hard pasts doesn't mean the house elf stereotype is they have an evil master. No! Dumbledore employs elves not because he's going to the Dark Side, but because that's how they roll! House elves enjoy working. Like I said, being paid for it is like being paid for a hobby-unnecessary, and what are they going to do with the money when they are happy working under a kind master? Of course, if you are going to free elves, don't do that to those who like their job.

It's like walking into your office to find your friend pleasantly say, "Hi, Joe. I got you fired! That way you're free without a job to mess up and moan and wonder where you're going to get work! Who's the bomb?"

I decided not to cause them too much trouble since I know they were extremely busy working in Hogwart's supper. So I simply ordered an apple and walked out, munching happily and making a note of the location. I didn't have a Marauder's Map with me, so I wanted to pay close attention. I even left a marking on the hallway. You find a picture of me waving to the others, blowing my nose, and saying sarcastic comments taped to the stairway leading to the level. At least it was there last time I checked. And yes, I do have allergies. Seriously. Tis the season to be snotty...

Anyways I went to see Ivy to find her being chased by peacocks, poufy pink dresses, rainbow ponies, unicorns singing and smiling...you get the idea. Ivy has some strange worst fears...

I met Lotus and Peacock Albino, and let's just say the fear weirdness continues-I've never seen James Potter singing "Pop, goes the Weasel!" while dressed in a clown outfit. Lotus picked some interesting worst fears. I supposed this was the Marauders' doing. All throughout the school, teachers and students alike were being chased by boggarts. The teachers were the only ones not to freak out except for we had to ship Flitwick to the Hospital Wing. Poor guy can't take a heart attack. McGonagall was the first to use the Patronus Charm, I was surprised Flitwick didn't use it knowing it was in his field. Then I remembered something Remus Lupin said in Prisoner of Azkabam about boggarts and what really banishes them, and immediately yelled across to the Marionettes to laugh randomly. When they questioned me I simply freaked.

Raven: JUST LAUGH! I AM NOT GOING INSANE-LAUGH!

Well you know when your friends keep contemplating the fact you're crazy and don't do anything? Lotus was the only one to laugh. I laughed along and one by one the boggarts vanished.

Raven: SEE?

Ivy: Um...

Peacock Albino: So? You didn't need us!

Anyways, if you review early you might catch an idea of what I'll do for revenge. Raven's limited, no-discovery revenge which can't hurt anybody. And also you might catch a chance to see how it is when we, Marionettes, journey into Ivy's mind...

_**There was once a guy named Stu,**_

_**Who simply refused to review.**_

_**His house crashed down**_

_**And the Marionettes came to town-**_

_**Let this be a lesson to you!**_

This poem was modified from original version from **Triola**, a hilarious author even if I don't exactly enjoy the pairings.


	9. Bah, Humbug!

**I don't own Harry Potter or Fairy Tail. I fact, I don't even own a dollar! **

** My life needs revising...**

It's 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside and frosting. That's right, Christmas is approaching.

I had sudden urge to write or read poetry, or sing a Christmas carol. I spent a long time singing in the dorm, until late sleepers shushed me. I had a busy scheduel. Animagi practice, Quiddith training, foreign language research (I'm trying to teach myself a bit of Gobbledegook), finding the Stealth Spell formula which would work as instructed, working out replacements for the Marauder's Map and other Marauder trademarks.

Today we are pretty satisfied with our class results. Peacock Albino and I created a spell in Charms for extra credit allowing our quills to write for us. Flitwick was extremely impressed, and have several points to his own House. We performed the spell in History class and took a good look at the inside of our eyelids. I am not _slacking_, I am temporarily recuperating due to insomnia-caused dilemmas!

Lotus showed up and we started working on a story. Peacock Albino was thinking of her won story, too. We got together and discussed topics. The Marauders took it as a gotcha moment and cast some spells which turned us all into slimy slugs. One moment they were smirking, another they were screaming something about the seventh sign of the slug apocalypse. What can I say? James cares about his ability to stay alive long enough to have a chance with Lily.

They finally transformed us back and we bumped into Kelly LEiLlY who out of the kindness of her heart comforted them, singing something different than usual. If I were stupid, I'd think that Willa Sushi had changed her daily serenade to "Grenade".

I think the Marauders considered us rivals, or copycats, not really friends. They naturally glared at us during breakfast. Maybe because I used my wand like a sword, and cut an M on their trousers, while Ivy threw blobs of clotted cream and jam at their hair. I can certainly say they were "tarred and feathered" to the point if looking like giant, whiny chickens.

They did an official declaration of Prank War, and I signed the contracts (a piece of parchment I suspected would soon be the Marauder's Map). James whistled loudly, and our signatures became their secret weapons. We had to defeat our own calligraphy! They enchanted our words to go against us. They wrote a bunch of lies on the contract, and once we signed them we confirmed lies, causing the Truth Parallel spell to go haywire until we admitted whether we had done them or not. The few precious truths were slightly embarrassing, and they used our signatures to discover them. And I'll remind you that the boy I sang "Jingle Bells' with was named Clark, not GLARK!

**Never, ever sign anything Marauder-related**.

We retaliated afterwards. The whole time between then and our prank we gave them soppy smiles and spoke in high-pitched, sweet voices. The whole class laughed when they saw Kelly LEiLlY couldn't tell whether we were the Mary Sue, or she was.

Everyone was preparing for Christmas even though it was only the first of December. Flitwick and the house elves were working on a giant gingerbread house with fairies flittering about it, giggling and laughing mindlessly. We knew it because we walked in on them at the kitchens. A small elf called Dowsy was squirting frosting and icing onto the slices, and his friend Nonny stuck gumdrops on the roof. Totty baked the fresh gingerbread, and Flitwick used Engorgement Charms. McGonagall decorated the halls transforming vases and old rusty junk left around into jolly Christmas decorations. You wouldn't believe how many smelly messes magic can leave that nobody wants to deal with. Afterwards all we walked through was tinsel, fairy lights, and small green lanterns floating around advertising personal lighting until McGonagall removed the enchantment, pestered by her own creations.

It also happened to be my birthday. Everyone was busy during classes, so it was a short celebration. I wrote a list of New Year resolutions, eating a borthday cupcake which Totty baked.

_Find Room of Requirement_

_Perform nonverbal magic_

_Finish Stealth Spell_

_Become Animagi _

_Discover Hufflepuff's passage_

_Do something. Really crazy, random, weird._

One of my goals, to finish the Stealth Spell, I started. I also wanted some mind communication. If the user held somebody's hand, they would become invisible, and they could use telepathy to communicate. This spell alone would make us invincible and impossible to catch. Ivy, lately, had been volunteering to be the subject of study of the Experiemental Spell #.01, and touching random objects. So far the Stealth Spell worked to the point of floating an inch above ground, being invisible and unheard, and making things Vanish. Oh, and some strange telekinetic side effects. Also she has been (literally) speaking her mind, so I asked Slughorn if he had any Mandrake Essence. Fortunately he had some from last season, and it took a little more than just cunning to persuade him to give us it. It appears Horace is extremely interested in the Illiad and the Odyssey, as well as finding connections to his ancestor Homer.

Today, I added more words to the spell, to add mind penetration and communication. All Marionettes were present during the brief break time. Then suddenly everything began to ripple, swirling and blurring into a hazy, stuffy atmosphere of color and fog. One moment we felt the sharp December air, then the next stuffy warmth, and then the feeling of being sucked into cold, no-oxygen darkness. I was beginning to panic, screaming "Andromeda Galaxy has merged with the Milky Way! The Black Hole is devouring us! AAAAH!". Which was stupid, since we are in the past, and if merging with other galaxies is to happen, it should be in the future or present.

The spell undoubtedly had been too strong, I shouldn't have focused so much on the mind penetration. I mean, penetrating a mind is major privacy invasion. What you think of, is completely your own problem. You can share it if you want, and it's not my job to force my own way in.

Just as we reached the core of the dark vortex, everything began to melt and shine like diamonds. Nothing was around us except sparkling fog, which cleared away revealing a lone area. Just a tree and a girl, eating a pear, and sitting on a bench. However, that girl was...Luna Lovegood! Her hair was a dirty blonde and slightly tangled, long enough to cover her back like a cape. It had blue, glowing highlights, and she seemed even to float slightly.

"Bluna?" Ivy screeched, stumbling backwards.

"So you've arrived," Bluna replied with unerring calmness, crunching on her pear. Boy she made me hungry. I have a strange urge to either tear down everything, or to just quietly munch on an apple sitting on a bench peacefully.

"Welcome to Ivy's mind." She shook hands with us. Everyone stared in my direction, as though expecting one of my leader speech or magic glitch explanations.

"Don't look at me!" I whined. I paced in a circle while Bluna munched happily. "The spell sent us into her mind. It made virtuality into reality. Ivy's mind isn't a place, yet the spell made us penetrate it-as though it were a room! So we can visit Ivy's mind, and see how it would be if it were a room!"

"AWESOME!" Ivy screeched, hi-fiving Peacock Albino who was looking at the juicy, torturous pear. All of our stomachs grumbled.

"Is anyone else hungry?" Lotus asked awkwardly. Bluna munched on her pear and spoke.

"So, welcome to the virtual mind of Ivy. When I became another of her muse personalities, it took a long time to get used to things." About one pound of chocolate randomly appeared in the air and fell down on my head. Trust Ivy to have a craving at this time. "Whatever she thinks of, since it is her mind, appears. Only I suppose you can sample it now.".

I handed the large chunk of chocolate to it's owner. I'm going to stay away from cocoa bean creations for a while.

"Bluna? Are you there?" A little girl peeked around the corner. She had long hair and strangely, she was a manga character from the anime Fairy Tail. Wendy smiled shyly and I noticed there was a large city-Magnolia, from Fairy Tail-materializing behind some green and black gates. Trees and stone benches surrounded the area.

"This is Wendy, and Car-"

"Please, I can make my own introductions," Carla sniffed. I smiled as I saw another Fairy Tail character appear. A little cat in a dress and a sour expression trotted up primly. "Pathetic," she muttered.

"Don't mind her," another girl spoke. "I'm Ash, by the way." She had long, curly red hair, green eyes, black clothing and one dangling hoop earring. She reminded me of a black-clad Lily Evans.

"It's hard to get used to this," Wendy spoke shyly. Bluna nodded, waving her pear at us.

"And everyone knows Ash will never get used to the Ivys."

"Who are the Ivys?" Everyne except Ivy asked, confused. I'll bet you a virtual cookie that's what you're thinking. Oh, and also why you're reading this load of trash when you have some aliens to explode or some tea to make for Aunt Ginger.

Two girls peeked from the corner, moving simultaneously. They looked almost identical, exactly like Ivy, with short blonde hair, and yet no glasses. One was dressed in silver clothing, with a halo, white wings which glowed, and a sketchbook. She smiled, and looked like an angelic "OH MY GOSH! LET'S BE BFF!" type of person. On the other side was a scowling Ivy dressed in torn red clothing, with bat wings, a pitchfork, and horns. Lightning and static bolts flashed whenever she touched something causing friction, or grew angry.

"Hi, I am Ivy-Silver, Ivy's conscience," smiled Angelic Ivy. "We are her muses. We are her moods, her personalities! Each one of us presents another part of her."

"Yeah go with the mushy blah," snorted Ivy-Red. "I'm Ivy-Red, or Little Devil as they call me. Don't you get all prissy nincompoop on me. Stop staring at me, and recoiling as though I'll shock you. I do have dignity, don't I!". Carla replied she had only enough dignity to wear torn red jeans and a black T-shirt, and two other manga girls appeared.

"Ooh! Visitors! RARE!" One spoke excitedly.

"Hi! I'm Zeffie!" The other spoke. "And this is Mireille!"

"Ivy, how many personalities do you have?" We all spoke incredulously. She shrugged, smiling and waving excitedly.

"PUUUNN!" Spoke a tiny voice, and we looked down to see YET ANOTHER Fairy Tail character.

Plue, Canis Minor, was supposedly a dog, yet looked like a little snowman with a carrot nose and wide smile. He stood up and did a little dance. I'm not sure how to describe him without freaking you out, so Google it. Do your nerdy stuff!

"Is this everyone?" I muttered. Another Ivy appeared.

"I am Ivy Black," she spoke. "Egyptian, ninja, stealthy-"

"AWESOME!" Ivy screeched. Several lethal weapons-and I'm talking not choking hazards, but big scary guns and missiles-started appearing in a pile. I picked up a small, not-sure-if-invented tranquilizer dart gun. With the Gemini Charm I could create more darts and refill it. The dart gun fit perfectly in my hand, and was silver and blue, carved with intricate ivy designs. The darts were small, nothing more than tiny colored feathers with a small bead of chloroform and a nib. Ivy was using all her mind power to create stuff. Bluna smiled, and another pear appeared. Our stomachs grumbled. Mine was partically disagreeable today.

"Let's enter!" Ash suggested.

"PUUUNN!" Plue spoke. Carla edged away from him. Wings sprouted from her back. I sneezed.

"What?" Everyone frowned.

"I think-ATCHOO! I'm allergic-ATTCHOO! To Carla," I finished. "Cats and dogs allergy."

A key formed in Ivy's hand. She opened the gates to Magnolia with it, and smiled as they flung open with a dramatic burst. Wendy and Bluna showed us around. Most people left so that only Plue, the Ivys, Bluna and Ash stayed, Carla flying overhead, grumbling. There was a Chocolate Room, a Manga Room, a Reading and Writing Room, and all sorts. Ivy's mind was complicated, a labyrinth, a maze twisting and turning and extremely intricate. It had been draped with decorative silver, black and green Ivy as well as the occupants' personal touches. I ran my hand over the tiny dart gun as Ivy took shots with her weapons. Great idea. Hand her something dangerous. Let's all move to Mars before we blow up.

We played soccer and read some manga, while Ivy kidded around laughing like a maniac.

Lotus: Welk this is quite unexpected.

Raven: Yeah but it'll be hard to visit, and I wonder if I should keep this spell and note it down so we can visit Bluna and everyone...

Peacock Albino: KEEP IT! I wanna see my mind!

Raven: First tell me how many personalities you have?!

Peacock Albino: About seven...Saphira, Lily...

Raven: I got-Let's see. Logic, Common Sense, Constance and Tawni. That's about it, besides the K's.

Lotus: K Who?

Ivy and Bluna were talking about magic and Bluna helped to perfect our Stealth Spell. It appears she's quite the spell maker herself.

Raven: You know, how this happened, I'm not quite surprised. Reality breaching was already high.

Bluna: How?

Raven: Us, Time-Travelling. Using something defying every possible law in science. A Mary Sue, in real life, interacting, no longer in a story? Bringing another author from a website? If anything nothing is impossible to a Marionette.

Ivy: Except preventing those nasty Marauder pranks...

Raven: Ooh, right! Let's go! Um, you got a spell, Bluna?

Bluna: Naturally! We were pushed through the dark, airless tunnel and nearly suffocated.

Raven: Wow, this is like early Apparition. At least we finished our secret spell!

Peacock Albino: Which is hopefully legal.

Raven: What do you think, we need a spell making and testing license?

We tested Stealth Spell Version 2.9. Ivy vanished, and suddenly something brushed against me. Everyone gasped and I yelled at them, yet nothing happened. Ivy's voice yelled at me to make all of them invisible in my mind, because there were pranksters coming.

Four boys in scarlet and gold scarves strode up to the wall we leaned against. James and Sirius whistled, hands twisting fistfuls of their robes nervously as they casually reached for their wands. Sirius hissed and knocked a book out of Remus' hands, hitting him in the face. I laughed, because I could. Peter hyperventilated, and James threw a toffee at him to calm him down and distract him. Remus rolled his eyes and pulled a jar from his bag filled with some sort of green, gooey, gross slime. There were also thick, squirming worms which grossed me out to the point of turning green.

"It can't be-great. Flobberworm mucus, gross," I frowned. "Anybody got some lettuce?" I asked.

"I don't, but I could float over to Sprout's and grab some aqua folium," Ivy offered. "It's that fancy watercress which only grows in swamps."

"ACCIO!" I yelled. Immediately we were bombarded with moss-covered, wet, slimy leaves which smelt like a swamp filled with Camembert. "Duck for cover!" I added, mentally facepalming. The force field caused by the spell repellled the leaves. The leaves landed on the Marauders, who yelped, dropping the jar and causing it to break. The flobberworms wriggled out freely and began to munch on the leaves they were covered with. The green goo landed and spilled into a puddle near our feet.

"Tergeo," I muttered, my wand siphoning the gross slime. "Ew! I think we won the prank war."

The following morning Peacock Albino woke me up again, moaning about the loss of her Nook's company under her breath. What I wouldn't give for a set of Mark Twain, or J.R. Tolkien myself. Maybe I could ask Mrs. Pince! Oh wait...she hated me. Bad idea.

Walking down the hallways for breakfast we saw the Marauders whistling at the same time with their hands in their pockets innocently, walking step by step simultaneously. We met up with Ivy and Lotus. Lotus was laughing along with Severus and Lily, who smiled at us. The Lily Evans, with flowing red hair just long enough to cover her like a sort of shining, vivacious red cape full of its own life and sparkle. I wish I had hair like that.

The Marauders' prank was, well, as usual...slightly immature and what a preschool kid would say, "Yuck!" I'd prefer not to tell what lovely words in bright red and gold were spelled out onto our unknowing behinds as we stood up and pranced off to class. We also realized that our worst fears appearing to us occurred all over the school. Marauders' prank. I'm not quite sure, but rumor is that one of the teachers was chased by his exwife. Ex-wife, or mother-in-law. Both can be scary. Hey, I'm not saying anything about my dear grandmother.

We started picking up some of our old activities, in my case tripping on flat floors. In Potions Slughorn told us there was a major improvement. For once, our Potion didn't smoke up the room. I got randomly partnered with this guy named "Escher", who apparently is among those who succeed more at Potions. Maybe Slughorn is trying to subtly hint that I should stop blowing up the remaining of his precious few spare clothes that don't smell like essence of mugwort or aqua folium. I do like subtly hinting teachers, though, instead of those who outright tell you that you have to partner with somebody else because you're horrid at their subjects.

You know that guy in TV Shows, who acts stupid or less social but has a great talent which some cunning, though humorous character finds a way to take advantage of? By forcing them to abuse their talent? Well, you got our situation. Escher, whose pride is that he has the name of M. C. Escher, acts in a way that half the time I'm wondering if he's just fooling with me and any moment he will say "Kidding, I do know what strawberries are." Though that's a pretty slim chance. He knows how to use them, but he doesn't know what they are or that they're edible. Here, you be the judge for his IQ.

Escher: Ok, so what potion are we supposed to make?

Raven: I think...Enhancing Potion.

Escher: Sure...if you want an Emotion Potion whipped up, I can-

Raven: No, sorry, I meant an Enhancing Potion-

Escher: Enchanting?

Raven: Enhancing!

Escher: That's not a word, you're making it up.

Raven: Fine, just read the board...

Escher: What is a board?

I read the instructions-the potion should take days, however we finished it in an hour because he memorized the instructions and we didn't need to flip around through the pages. Also he criticized how I chopped up the enchanted bark, (By the way now I know why they call it enchanted) the angle at which I held my knife (In my offense, I got splinters from the stupid bark) and now I know why I'm so horrid at Potions. I blame instructions not being specific enough. Then again, most of the process is supposed to be done "your way", in other words "Creativity and who knows what other dangers are to be used".

I found out why Lily Evans has higher marks than him. He's kind of immature-he broke several glass vials full of important ingredients which he recognized would make a great Identity Crisis in a Bottle, and which I noticed were also poisonous. 90% of them, at least. He also doesn't really know class rules and dresses up all goofy and stuff. He sort of sings in class and disrupts the unwritten "_silence, we have a cauldron of smelly, nasty stuff here_" rule.

Peacock Albino and Ivy were partnered together, and the other Gryffindors snickered at her. So Ivy defended her friend and realized the reason people were laughing at Peacock Albino was that a rude Ricky Davies (Still don't know his real name! Arrgh!) was imitating her every move. So I discreetly dropped a pencil behind my cauldron, bent down to retrieve it, and "accidentally" whispered some insulting words in French. Nothing inappropriate, just insulting. Oh and because it wasn't comprehending the French, my wand just decided I was saying gibberish and almost set fire to him. When your wand can't identify what you're saying as a spell, however if you say it and you mean it enough, it either just shoots sparks or performs the effects of a spell which sounds like what you're saying. Once I muttered, "Flippers!" Which is in Raven-swear-replacement language, and somebody did a full flip due to the effect of Flipendo. You're welcome, James.

It had been nearing Christmas, and the school was watching out for Willa Sushi and Kelly LEiLlY, who was singing Christmas carols so exaggeratedly one seventh year asked her what opera she went to. She smiled sweetly at him, and he conveniently fell into a pit full of pink kittens spewing rainbow sparkles.

Peeves swooped by and sang "_Oh Christmas tree o Christmas tree, of all the trees most stinky_" from inside of the armor and moved it around to stroll and scare the heck out of some kids. For the last time, my hair is NOT standing up, it has come into the effect of static electricity! Get it right, jeez!

Logic went on a vacation, because he didn't come up with any crazy conclusions or suspicions Dumbledore surprised us by dressing up as Santa, handing wizard crackers and packages from the Owlery. Sprout showed us how to care for our Christmas trees. Professor Slughorn taught us how to brew Essence of Euphoria which added immediate Christmas cheer. Escher inhaled too much and declared he was changing his name to Cheever, after the American novelist and short-story writer. He gave a detailed report about Cheever he wrote up during the whole class, then proceded to place more mistletoe and holly berries into the potion, stirring it and searching for some fresh snow. He thought the holly berries would be nice to eat, but after feeling the prickly leaves he cried and moaned, calling it a "cactus". A couple minutes later he told me his name was Escher again, so I rolled my eyes and called him Chipper-Snipper, making him feel complimented he had a nickname.

Then, during meals, we were given a fine spectacle. To our surprise, Fabian and Gideon Prewitt, (Molly Prewitt's older twin brothers, the Fred and George of the century) walked up to the Marauders. They smiled identical second-year grins at them, every movement simultaneous just as the Marauders had walked to the table looking innocent.

"Now, now, what do we owe this pleasure?" James asked, lazily catapulting the bacon into his mouth through a very fancy contraption involving Sirius flinging a fork's prongs and holding it at an angle against his glass of water. James opened his mouth to catch the bacon and yawned rudely, propping his feet on the table and not turning to face the twins. He looked bored and lazy despite the fact the bacon had practically been thrown above his head in an arc and bounced off his mound of hashed potatoes, up onto the rim of his goblet and into his mouth.

"We think-"

"That a certain couple of first years have been outdoing-"

"Our marvelous pranking work-"

"And that-"

"In order to pay-"

"For doing us such wrong-"

"We ought to-"

"Be allowed to join in!" Both finished, flourishing two napkins each from their robes and tying James' wrists and legs. They nodded as he turned to them, acting as if he didn't notice the fact he was trussed up head to toe.

"Well gentlemen," James replied politely, "As genteelly as possible, I invite thee to our pranking war."

"Ah wish-wash," Ivy muttered from next to me. I slapped her with my own napkin. Indignant words began to hurl my way, so I curtsied and ran for my life, past Kelly LEiLlY singing dramatically perched on a statue wearing a green tinsel-rimmed cocktail dress.

Britney groaned and brushed her hair. Viv, the new girl, and her new friends Amara and Lila had stared at it. Britney found it quite original, the sort Tonks would have. It was green and silky with silver highlights and just a small red fringe of bangs above her eyes. She would thank Jenny later. Oh, and Collette.

Tara, meanwhile, had been searching at the reviews, smiling. Willa Sushi gained popularity with her owl Ivory. She was reaching an alarming amount of 30 good reviews. _Only 341 to go in order to beat Little Miss Mary Sue_, sighed Britney. Tara had kidnapped the authors and made all possible so they couldn't update for a while.

Britney smiled and looked back onto the day she met Carry. An image of herself as a young girl materialized.

_"Hello? Leticia! Lorelei? I get it, you won the prank, I can't walk two inches without my glasses!" _

_A girl with blonde pigtails and a GO GREEN T-Shirt walked in, jogging and squinting. _

_"Have you seen a pair of pink sparkly glasses? Or perchance, you know...my twin sisters?" She stared at another girl in the mall, texting someone, in front of her. The girl was odd looking as well, with chocolate brown hair and blue eyes, and wearing a T-Shirt depicting Luna Lovegood. Instead of calling her weird or yelling at her to go away, the strange girl looked up and replied politely. The nerdy pigtail girl panted, holding out a hand and scratching her back. The odd girl smiled and shook it. At first the blonde girl with pigtails meant to thank her, but the strange girl took it as a sign of prompted introduction. _

_"Caroline," the strange girl smiled. The pigtail girl grinned._

_"Britney, or, as they say, Call Me Crazy," she said dramatically pretending to hold a phone to her ear. "If you see those glasses, I dibsed them," she added twirling a pigtail and fanning herself with a book labeled Geometry for Genius. "Eh-I guess I am a gullible preppy nerd, after all. See you sometime!" _

_Caroline sighed, pulling out a pair of glasses from her pocket, showin what the bulge was._

_"You might need these, I guess. I used to wear glasses until a better doctor did her work on me. I'd reccommend her. Dr. Potter," Caroline twitched her nose uncomfortably remembering all those examinations._

_"Potter as in-"_

_"Harry Potter," Both girls chimed, then giggled, smiling at each other._

_"We're going to get along, Britney!" Caroline smiled._

As usual we are in the Christmas feeling. The fog from the Essence of Euphoria potions created a sort of happiness in the air. I wanted to go ice skating. The lake is thick enough, and Flitwick charms the ice to harden and McGonagall Transfigures our shoes into skates. Smiling mischievously I wink at the Marauders as I step into the circle.

At first my steps are slippery, but after Flitwick smoothes it out I stroke and do a waltz jump, then a solchow. I edge around, watching mouths drop as I perform a wobbly sit spin and work on my camel spins, Chinese Spirals, and laybacks. I wish Globe were here. If I am correct, she is quite the skater herself. Students are amazed as the little first year performs complicated ice skating moves and whirls around in the snow. The Marauders stare and don't even notice the Prewitt twins doing simultaneous jumps and glides as though they're used to skating. I rush over to help Peacock Albino, Ivy and Lotus. I'm a show-off. Get used to it, or get lost before I help you do it.

I miss my two favorite ice skating dresses. The lacy, winged ice fairy white one with sparkly rhinestones and the red one with lacy patterns, gems, curlicues and gold appliqué. They are the most beautiful of dresses, and I am missing them out here, at Hogwarts, the magical school that many dream about. At least my friends come.

Tara Gilesbe smirked. Dance while you can, she smiled, searching the page for details. She clicked on Lily White Goddess of Ice's profile on Fanfiction, aka Peacock Albino. She checked out the challenge. Ivy had challenged to write a Mary Sue story, not Harry Potter, 10 chapters at least, 25 good reviews. Well she might have 30 good reviews, but she wanted to outsmart Little Miss Mary Sue. Outshine it. Show how her Mary Sue rivaled Tara Direction, who was smiling and pulling out wands of different White Goddess of Ice is going to receive a very, very strange Private Message which will utterly knock Fanfiction back into its knees to marvel at the wonderful work she had created, and to admit her Mary Sues were perfect and better. However she turned and looked, sighing, at the flames in her story. She whispered, "Don't you know I too have feelings?"

The Prewitt twins glared at me.

"Sorry," I replied meekly. "Can I make it up?"

"Why, of course, if you don't mind jumping into the next lake," replied Gideon politely and smiling.

"We're on a lake," I motioned wildly at the ice. Fabian reached casually into his pocket and I fearfully whispered "Protego Magus Rebondo". Whatever he threw or cast at me bounced off and he froze in his tracks, his hair standing up and changing into a Mohawk of blue ice. He screamed and gestured at it, and Gideon turned to me, suddenly friendly.

"Ha! Well some Ravenclaw you are! We could use an ordinary clever mind like you."

"Ordinary? Is that contagious? Could I catch it? I thought it was extinct!" I replied dramatically.

"Some Ravenclaw you are," Gideon replied. I could tell them apart because of their Prewitt sweaters. Laughing we joked around, discussing possible prank scenarios, their outcomes, and the standards of blaming it on somebody else.

"Hey-some help here?" Fabian asked. "No? Great...Merry Christmas to you too!"


	10. Quoth the Raven

_Raven: Hello and welcome to Marionette Mascot. Blah blah blah please support us, I am your host Raven Riley, and this is the Invincible Ivy! Ok, let's get this over with. What is your favorite pastime besides pranking people and attempts on my life?_

Ivy: _ I never tried to kill you!_

_Raven: Nope, but the green lion named "Jelly Bean" you stuck in my bed did. _

_Ivy: ..._

_Raven: Answer, your favorite pass times?_

_Ivy: Drawing, casting spells, sharpening knives._

_Raven: Fascinating, fascinating-and slightly disturbing. I'm glad I didn't have to ask you what you do for a living. Second question. Why do you believe you represent Sirius within the Marauders?_

_Ivy: I don't know._

_Raven: Sometimes the most obvious things are unknown. Or we can just blame it on the Sirius/Ivy mutual bluntness. _

_Ivy: HEY!_

_Raven: Last question. What is your wildest dream?_

_Ivy: (Describes fanstasy involving sugar, chocolate, mini-screaming Ravens)_

_And then...it gets weird._

_Raven: I meant your wildest career dream, Ivy._

_Ivy: Oh. _

_Raven: You heard it! Preparing weapons for my murder, stupidity, weirdness! The characteristics of a true leader! Remember to stand by for the grand questioning! Review and add in YOUR questions to ask Ivy!_

_Ivy: Well forget that! (Walks out)_

"Valentine's Day? Urgh. For the last time-I, Raven, leader of the Marionettes, DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!" I hollered at Sirius, punching him in the shoulder.

Don't any of you pull the whole "In denial!" thing.

Sirius danced around, imitating what he thought I'd look like, cooing "Oh Sirius! Oh Sirius, I am so desperate I imitate your friends! Oh, Siri-sweetheart," he cooed, twirling and flouncing around.

"Um...Sirius-" I tapped his shoulder, pointing at the rest of his friends who froze right behind him, who seemed to be wondering why Sirius was acting all like a girl. "Ooh...Um...awkward," I spoke, walking away. Yes, I know I'm a jerk. What about you?

I sent out Valentines cards (none of the gooey kind, just the "I'm so glad to be your friend!" kind). I mean, hello? Twelve? I accidentally mixed Escher's with Peacock Albino's, and he showed it off to everyone. Kinda embarrassing since it contained peacock feathers and a sketch of a dress I designed her. He even performed the charm I enclosed and wore the dress all day, while Peacock Albino nearly died laughing.

When we offered to give her back the dress, she nearly died doing spit-takes.

We'd been visiting Ivy's mind lately. Bluna helped out with experimental spells, Zeffie cooked us food, and Ash showed me her power; she could use anything she sketched. I reminded her to never, ever make a portrait of any of the Marionettes. Not even Lotus, no matter how sweet and peaceful she is.

"Let's visit your mind, Raven," Ivy spoke.

_"Ooh! A chance to show myself,"_ Logic exclaimed. _ "You have got to show-"_

"So that you can rattle out all my secrets?" I shouted at him in my mind. "I don't think so."

_"But it'll be fun,"_ Common Sense added. "_You could show them all sorts of stuff, your vast knowledge,"_

_"That'd be me,"_ Logic added.

"Raven, are you listening?" Ivy asked.

"Yes-no-wait a moment! POTTER! BLACK! REMUS! PETER! YOU COME HERE OR COMMON SENSE WILL GET THE GUILLOTINE AND DECAPITATE YOU!"

As you are wondering what happened, they changed my wand into a baton!

"Yes Raven?" They all asked simultaneously, coming out from behind a pillar. Creepy. I am sure the rumors that the Prewitt twins are training them in secret are true. And the rumors that I am out for their blood will soon be confirmed.

"Why did you do this?" I asked.

"You look stupid," giggled Peter. I rolled my eyes.

"It's funny," Sirius laughed. Ok, how is this funny? Is it enchanted to make me look like a clown?

"Yeah, and there's nothing you can do to make it look dumber," James added, sniggering.

I rolled my eyes, then smiled. Fight fire with fire, I decided, then began tap dancing idiotically. I twirled it and yelled out "I'm representing Potter in the Marauders!". James suddenly panicked.

"NO! NO! DON'T RUIN MY REP! YOU SLIMY RAVENCLAW!"

"Next time, try using the word "Repulsive", or maybe "Rogue". Slimy is getting old," I smirked, nodding to Lotus. She giggled, and immediately all the Marionettes were dancing like doofuses and imitating the Marauders at their silliest, most embarrassing, and hyper states. I whacked James on the head with my awesome baton rhythmically to a beat.

"Ow! Ow! Owie! MOMMY! STOP IT!" He moaned, acting like a two-year-old. "SOWWY! MOMMY!". He cried and pointed at me. "YOU'RE A MEANIE!". Sirius snickered and Ivy kicked him. Remus and Lotus were laughing together, adjusting their glasses simultaneously. Peter whimpered, and Peacock Albino rolled her eyes, laughing with Remus and Lotus. James finally transformed my wand back to its original state, and Ivy charmed his wand to whack him on the head.

"AAAAH! OWIE! SIRIUS! MAKE IT STOP!" He yelled, covering his head with his bag and running out.

"Bravo, Sirius," giggled a voice behind us. We turned to see a blonde girl. She had long, curly golden hair. She looked like Kelly LEiLlY, only I liked Kelly LEiLlY for being nice and not evil like stereotypical Mary Sues. The girl had glitzy, pink bejeweled glasses and acid green eyes which seemed to burn holes into my own. I rubbed my watering eyes, muttering two words; Rita Skeeter.

"You were SOOO brave chasing that reckless, rogue wand away," she giggled. "Tell me how you did it!". She snuggled up extra close and I couldn't help but smile at Sirius, thinking "Payback".

"Help me!" he mouthed. Deciding to act tactful yet not helpful, I pulled the Marionettes away to a distance so that we weren't awkwardly watching the whole thing. I winked at "Siri" and walked away to my next class, linking arms with Peacock Albino.

Escher and I groaned when Slughorn demanded a cauldron of basic love potion. Amortentia is too powerful and hard to make for first years except experts like Lily and Escher. The reason why we groaned is because it's predictable. All the girls ave been raving about love potions for their crushes, and it's been getting on our nerves. Even Escher grew a little bit of sense in order to have a rant about it and how it bugs him. And now Sluggy here just assigned us the dreaded Lonelylove Elixir.

"So Sirius," trilled Rita as she spoke to him as his Potions partner, "Do you like like me? And don't you think that blonde over there looks awfully stupid? I heard that she's been snogging your mates," she giggled. My grip tightened. Nobody insults Ivy. I saw her frown. Escher and I exchanged an "Uh-oh" look as we saw Ivy drop her ladle. She asked for a bathroom pass and I just knew she used a Stealth Spell.

"Go and get her, Invisible Ivy the Invincible," I smirked. I heard her reply through my thoughts, and two seconds later Rita Skeeter tripped on Ivy's invisible foot and smashed a lot of strange potions ingredients. Mucus, slime, fungi, lichen, and all sorts of nasty stuff which look like they belong in a petri dish along with slimy components and tiny eyeballs ended up ruining her perfect, curly hair. I hi-fived Ivy.

I love my best friends so much.

HEY! Did that little-oh, that sneaky little snitch just PRANKED me! GAH! Well next time I won't show you where I put my favorite quills!

Kelly LEiLlY was so kind to take it upon herself to sing valentine poems to us, which Peeves sang their parodies. Kelly did seem the kind to sing them, being that when she wasn't speaking mellifluously she also sang everything in soprano-alto harmony.

"Thou hath eyes the color of onyx dark and fine, my heart beats faster than the pace of a lynx, I look and sigh lonely as you come and go, if only by some chance or some jinx you were mine, I'd take the part of your heart-keeper and stay so," she sang to Sirius. A couple other girls screamed and withdrew their requests.

"Your eyes are evil and black, your face gives me a heart attack, stop moving around you're making girls cry and become insane, if I had a chance you would easily die, and if that happened I wouldn't complain," Peeves yelled. Kelly LEiLlY blushed and looked down. She was wearing some kind of poofy kitsch heart-shaped confection that seemed appropriate for the occasion.

"Let's take upon us the responsibility of the last damsel's musical proclamation of love, shall we?" Gummy Bear asked Peeves.

"Cover your ears, if you like your hearing!" Bertie Bear screeched loudly.

Gummy Bear and Peeves did some sort of jig and yodeled wildly.

When I asked whose the Valentine was, Gummy Bear shrugged.

"Some girl named Rhonda Skittle?"

There was an obvious thought, and that was that the Emily All twins (Ivy and Lotus) undoubtedly disliked Rita Skeeter, who spread wild and unbelievable rumors about them for which the Marauders teased us. I postponed our next move in the prank war by a day and decided it was time for us to stop Rita Skeeter's actions with Peacock Albino as the fellow mastermind.

We found the Room of Requirement (Funny. Peacock Albino can notice when I wear a dress but not a moving tapestry of a mattoid and trolls in tutus?). We showed Lotus how to perform the spell to Ivy's mind, dropped off some golden lucky coin powder, and sent them on a happy journey for fun and relaxation while we had a private conversation about how to get Rita Skeeter back. Ok, I admit some of my ideas were slightly illegal. But come on! What's wrong with stabbing her in the arm with Gryffindor's Sword, or accidentally tripping and nudging her from the Astronomy Tower, or sending the centaurs after her with bows and arrows?

Today was a "Raven/Peacock Albino together time" day. We hunted for Hufflepuff's four passages, which connected all four common rooms together and ended up in a secret corridor. With such passages we could go practically everywhere, snoop on each other...

I shuddered and made a mental note to put a Shield Charm on our beds on April 1st.

"You think it's got something to do with the statue?" Peacock Albino asked.

"No, Peacock Abino, let's overlook this statue of a founder which is a unique feature to a common room and search for the passage in the pillows," I spoke. She threw a pillow at me, and I stumbled comically across the room, almost looking like I was breakdancing. We laughed together, and started searching Ravenclaw's statue without looking vandalizing.

I looked at Ravenclaw's diadem and traced the thin sentence written into it. It was among the curlicues of carefully carved white marble, boldly standing out to proclaim its worth. Ravenclaw's austere expression remained the same. Altogether she was an imposing yet lovely woman, with what appeared to be long waist-length wavy hair with part of it in a thin, tight bun. She had a slim figure and a serious face, with perfectly shaped, defined eyes and ears. Overall she struck me as an imposing, sage figure which spoke in quotations, poetry, and had excellent senses as well as legendary magic, however despite being so strict quite lovable and protective of her students.

Suddenly as I traced the S, it glowed. I jumped back, and traced it again. Nothing happened. I touched all of the letters. When I touched M, it glowed blue as well. I touched them again and hit an A. Finally there were enough glowing letters to spell MARST. I frowned and laughed at the anagram, reading it outloud. SMART! Suddenly the statue began to glow as well, and it turned itself around, revealing a lever stuck in the marble folds of Ravenclaw's trail. I tried pulling it, but the folds wouldn't let me. I sighed and leaned on it, thinking, with Peacock Albino marveling and gabbling. She pushed me out of the way (did you know marble flooring hurts a lot more than wooden?) and tried it herself. Despairing she leaned it in the direction of the trail, and it moved. The folds in Ravenclaw's trail became no more than silken fabric, clothing the statue loosely. I pushed it aside to reveal a trapdoor. You clever little fox, Rowena. McGonagall had just told us about the Silken Solidity Switching Spell.

Opening the trapdoor, the hinges didn't even creak. Ravenclaw definitely knew a spell to most everything. We slid ourselves down it, unsure, and were puzzled when we were flipped upside down and slid down upside down. I stared. We weren't going down, but up!

"How many spells did she know? Did she invent some?" Peacock Albino grumbled. "Oh-here goes the biscuits-"

"Face the other way!" I yelled.

The hole was above Ravenclaw, not below. I tried to flip myself so I was the right way. The room wobbled and turned around me. I finally sat upright and launched into another glowing tunnel. I went straight up, and then the air pushed me to my left. We ended up in a narrow corridor. This corridor wasn't any ordinary corridor, though. It was the corridor connecting to the other common rooms! I grinned.

"Now let's see how high Ivy's hair can stand up."

We checked out every passage that day. Hufflepuff's passage connected to her common room through a one-sided portal in a framed painting. Gryffindor caused us to somehow pop out of a fireplace. Slytherin brought us in from the statue of a snake's mouth. The statue wasn't large enough to accommodate an ordinary person, but there was an Engorgment charm on the interior.

Ivy was drinking a cup of juice, which she spilled and did a spit-take when she saw us, causing her to go into "Angry and Wet Syndrome". She hexed us and dunked the remainder of her juice specifically on ME.

Haha, SO funny. Your personal items, were just conveniently burned. I had nothing to do with it.

I had no idea how I knew Ivy and Lotus went to her common room, but I just did. So while we were at it we focused on ways getting BACK. (Oh sure, just jump in the fire, why don't you?)

It turned out the fireplace had two layers. The fire, and the passage. All we had to do was walk into the passage, which was an invisible portal. Getting back to Ravenclaw was easy, all we had to do was pull a rope somewhere and BOOM! We're staring at her statue again, marveling at her brilliance.

Ah, I'm so glad we went exploring today!

Oh man, I think I'm getting delayed motion sickness from Ravenclaw's passage. Will I ever travel through one of those again?

Quoth the Raven: NEVERMORE!


	11. Noughts and Crosses

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, Harry Potter, or Inuyasha. **

**Author's Note: Look for references of ****the above.**

_Raven: Welcome to Marionette Mascot! This is Raven with Ivy. Here we have another interview. Alright, Ivy, name one annoying trait about Raven?_

_Ivy: She eats my chocolate._

_Raven: ..It's called surprise sharing. Now, describe Raven in three traits! Who the heck sent THESE questions?_

_Ivy: You, dummy. By the way you're annoying, weird, steal my chocolate and trademarks._

_Raven: A-and finally, describe the Marauders?_

_Ivy: James is a lovesick idiot, though less of an idiot than Sirius, Remus is the best though too brainy and has a furry little-MPH! _

_Raven: And Peter?_

_Ivy: TRAITOR-MPH!_

_Raven: Well, that's all we have for today! See you later-mph!_

Oh the joys of April Fools' Day. First thing in the morning, I wake up. I feel refreshed and happy-innocent, and remind myself to look out for nasty surprises, knowing today is April 1st. What does my intelligent head do? Just after warning myself, a bowl of maple syrup falls onto me. As if it weren't bad already, insects are unleashed by a string tied to the lid of a jar connected to the falling bowl.

As you can tell...I'm, well, IRRITATED.

Peacock Albino is up, hyperventilating and mumbling. The Marauders stuck an ice cream cone on her forehead to make her look like a unicorn. She is screeching and trying all spells, panicking. Plus there's an infinite drip-drop of chocolate-vanilla-cherry-cream swirl. Not quite sure, but I swear it's beginning to turn blue and green as well.

"Don't worry," I say, killing a fly with a five pound _Hogwarts, A History_. "They had to keep it legal, I'm sure.". Fifteen minutes later, I run out of the Ravenclaw dorm, muttering to myself "I'm getting an attorney! As soon as I'm old enough to!" Best also check up on my life insurance as well as civil rights. I hope this was in the contract.

A couple students glare at me. Well, for one I'm scampering around in flashy white and fuschia polka-dotted pyjamas, with bees and flies and whatnot following behind me as I leave a trail of maple syrup on the floor, which is slippery. I run back and shuffle around in my slippers, then slip in the puddle I left of maple syrup (which leaks constantly from my hair and is waaay stickier and annoying than you'd think). I'm guessing if I did try anything, it'll make it worse. I land on my face and more people glare.

Did I mention it is SIX IN THE BEEPING MORNING?

When did the Marauders set it up? Midnight? Three o' clock in the morning? I don't know but it's rather early. I decided since it was two hours until breakfast, I'd procure food then payback. Because, um, it's quite early still. All them other kids are a-snoring in their beds, and the prefects are yawning and cursing the Marauders for sneaking out this early. I notice each has been pranked. Some have been tarred and feathered, others have CURSE ME signs, some have bloody attire and a knife-transfigured wand to make them look mildly alarming, others have mustaches, and I just saw Rhesus Davies walk by wearing blue robes, glasses, and a waist-length silky white beard.

Marauders: Infinite. Ravenclaw: -3.

I decided to make the best out of my hair by ensuring it WAS maple syrup. Other people stared at it as though I were committing a serious indiscretion in public. I rolled my eyes and thought about the possibilities. I could taunt each Marauder very carefully. First to start with a classic overused prank...Putting Cockroach Clusters into bars of chocolate and labeling them "peanut chocolate crunch", then switching them with Remus' personal stack. How'd I know where it was? Ivy Accio-ed it while snooping in her Gryffindor dorm using the Stealth Spell Bluna helped me out with. The switching was done under my Stealth Spell as well, because when you wake up Ivy...sufficient to say the lionness will come out of her den. I tiptoed past her four poster, noticing that the Marauders had given her a lion tail and those long fake plastic nails as claws, which were not only fatal when scratching an itch but would get in the way.

Next, to deal with James. Well, his hair was horrid. As he slept, I decided to flatten out his hair completely. Then I glued a shampoo bottle and a note which said "And you said Severus Snape runs away when confronted with shampoo?" in big, flashy letters. I moved onto Peter's cot and gave him a long tail which could trip him and whack him and tap him on the shoulder. Lastly, Sirius. I prodded for any basic shield charms which he had learnt as well-educated Black. That family takes pride not only in pure blood but in excellence, power, strength. Thus he had learnt as child basic jinxes and curses already.

Seeing the way was clear, I checked to see if this was a decoy. Yep. Real Sirius was hiding out in the kitchen, I guessed. I decided to take his History of Magic book, the one full of doodles out of boredom, and transfigure it.

"Mutatio Colorem," I declared, happy for the noise cancellation. I envisioned a bright girly pink, and looked through my Latin dictionary to improvise. "Um...Unicus Confundo!" I made it so only to Sirius he would be toting around a notebook full of sketches. While he was doodling absentmindedly, others would see him scribbling about crushes, school life, his best mates, typical "Dear Diary" jazz. Booyah. Marauders 3; Raven 4.

I decided to check up on Lotus in the Slytherin dorm. I walked through the fireplace, ran down the corridor and emerged from the snake statue's mouth. I could hear Lotus inhaling and exhaling from my right. Turning around I smacked into Lucius Malfoy.

"I'm so sorry! My apologies," I muttered before facepalming. I was invisible. Lucius looked around bewildered, then shrugged, walking out. Just as I stepped out, someone pushed past me. None other than a certain reported as missing Sirius Black.

Immediately I rushed to protect Lotus. "CONFUNDO!" I pointed my wand at him. Urgh. A glitch of the spell was to not have commands for our wands to respond properly. "Gosh dagnabbit! Con-fun-DO!" With a sparkle and a spurt, something which I'd guessed to be the tip of my want exploded. Sirius stared as fireworks flew in the air, and slowly walked backwards. I tried Obliviate, which created more sparks but finally, like an old rusty engine, it sputtered and spit it out. Comepletely bamboozled, he walked into the room again and used a complex sticking charm to attach a miniature owl to her nape. On second thought, he also added a charm to prevent it being crushed. The owl began to burrow and make a nest out of Lotus' extremely long, wavy blonde hair.

Realizing I still had the peanut chocolate crunch bars on me, (which I was allergic to), I placed the stash on Sirius' bed to frame him. Then I ran off to start undoing pranks. It was no longer mystery to the school who had done them, since the Marauders had signed everything. Exclusively for their best frenemies, they had left each Marionette a little buisness card with their names and a small typo. They had yet to become animagi, indeed, but Remus already had a nickname for reading and listening in History of Magic: Loony Loopy. Smiling at this, I ran past Lily, who was yawning and reading, to go prepare.

I saw they had also covered the teachers, but most of the more talented and dignified ones like McGonagall and Flitwick had undone the magic by now. Geez they were early risers. Gummy Bear and Dumbledore however abandoned all dignity and chose to do the catwalk, to the horrified eyes of students, wearing hippie getups and dreadlocks. Dumbledore and Gummy Bear seemed to be having a contest on who could model the best hippie look; Dumbledore had rainbow shoes, glasses, a tie-dye peace sign robes set, and matching trousers. The students' attitudes changed, and they cheered, clapping and whistling. I looked down on my chair, did a test run, removed a couple nasty charms, and stepped back slightly when reaching for food. As predicted, the entire plate of bacon flung itself at me. I ducked, grabbed the bowl, and caught three-quarters of the bacon.

"Mine," Lily walked by, grabbing a couple pieces.

"Thanks Raven," Ivy spoke. Everyone passed by until I was left bacon-less.

"CURSE YOU!" I screeched.

Later on, in the middle of my History Class note-taking and half slumber, I noticed the all of the Marauders wrote and doodled in Sirius' pretty pink diary. The girls whispered and stared at the diary, then began to start worrying. They sent a braver representative, who looked like her hair, clothes, skin, and eyes had been dyed blue. Her cotton candy blue hair was pulled back in a sharp, fine ponytail which had a tip that looked like you could prick yourself with it. Yawns turned into looks of wonder.

"Could we...see what you are writing?" She asked. Oh snap! I decided she would be the only one not to be let in on the secret. I Confunded her quickly. As soon as she was reassured the diary had deep dark secrets, other girls dubiously came to look. One had her robes covered in poison ivy, while the other had roses sprouting from her collar, like those cones dogs wear to prevent them scratching themselves.

Eventually, only Cotton Candy Hair was convinced that Sirius had told his diary about an imaginary friend of his; Barmy the Unicorn.

"Y-You think they k-know about B-Barmy?" Pete whispered. "He s-s-said not to let others know about him to m-me, you know.".

Utter coincidence. This Barmy he talked about was an imaginary fruitbat.

Great. The one Marauder I was trying to be nice to is crawling on the ground, sobbing and trying to commit suicide by stabbing himself to death using a turkey feather quill.

Lrod Voldemort would've been blackmailing me join his ranks.

I decided to undo the pranks on everyone else. The enchantment didn't really require thorough browsing throigh my Latin dictionary. "Originalis Status," I muttered. Lotus, Lily and Ivy cast this enchantment everywhere with me before walking into Potions.

Escher looked bloated and tired, probably from dragging a goat the Marauders attached by magic by his ankle. I half expected Aberforth to run in, trample all over Escher in a hippie getup, and run out triumhantly with the goat into the setting sun.

"Come on, some help?" I asked, chopping up the dried fungi.

"Nope."

"It's alright if you don't want to, but I'll-"

"I really don't-" I passed him a chocolate bar. "Then again, we ARE partners, yes? So let's get cracking, coworker!" Immediately he was industrious as usual.

Crystaliz Monjelo was mistaken for a boggart when she came out of a wardrobe (I guess she was going to show off her purse collection when we saw it in the DA classroom). Somebody turned her into a purse weearing a pink bow. She was carried to the hospital wing by Pomona Sprout, but I swear as she passed by a mirror she put a hand on her hip and pouted, throwing back her hair, while twirling the purse.

James walked by wearing a makeshift poncho to cover the note and shampoo bottle as well as a floppy straw hat, and people stared funny. Remus tasted the Cocokroach Clusters, spit it out, then walked to the bathroom. But urgently. Like some dignified self-conscious model doing the catwalk to the bathroom, but with the same speed as uneven sprinting. Eventually Sirius figured out he was carrying a girl's diary, resulting in his attempt to throw it away that failed. I had caused a Sticking Charm to be sent at him.

Ivy ran at Sirius and James, putting each of them into a headlock, and banging their heads together. James screamed "MY GLASSES!" and Sirius screamed "MY HAIR!" As I remembered Marionette meant Puppet in French, I thought of the perfect revenge prank. Peter and Remus got away safely before I made some strings invisible and attached them to James and Sirius. Well, let's just say that now I officially have the power to manipulate them as I wish.

"SIT BOY!" I yelled at Sirius and James for the heck of it. Yep, you guessed it. I love Inuyasha. They did simultaneous faceplants and rubbed their heads. "Now, who won the prank war?"

"YOU CANNOT MAKE US ANSWER THAT! WE HAVE IRON WILLS!"

"Really? Me too. It's really difficult to get past metal detectors with those. Well, I think that the Marionettes won," I smiled. I reached behind me, casting a random jinx. I turned in time to see Peter and Remus crumpled in a small pile, sprouting horns, their wands held tightly. "So, the Marionettes beat you, right?". Ivy punched them and Lily stood back reading a book.

"YES!"

"AYE SIR!" They exclaimed, putting and arm on each other's shoulders. They smiled and acted all buddy buddy, but when I turned they snarled and argued over whose stupid idea it was to get me on their backs. I laughed, thinking of Fairy Tail.

In the end, when they returned to their respectable beds they found out that I had removed my pranks, left them a buisness card with my friends' names and nicknames, apologies, and also a small bag of snowball-style truffles.

"This is really nice," Remus said.

"Aww man," Sirius groaned.

"Why?"

"I don't like coconut."


End file.
